Why is my poo green? Or tan? Or dark brown? And why in the name of everything that is holy and divine are we discussing the topic of shit. Seriously, poo, dookie, shit, turds, pellets, and the like are mentioned in my home more than I care to divulge. Maybe some weird prerequisite of being a parent to collectively talk shit as a family. Now I mean literally, talking shit. After all the talk I feel like I need to light a match.
For some odd reason though
my husband parents are concerned about the health and nature of their children’s deuce. Honestly, I don’t give a shit about shit, if it comes out without issue, SCORE! However, my household in particular, and this spans many generations I have found after a lenghty commentary with my now senior mother and her more than senior parents about the discussion of the “number two.” I digress, so yes the parental concern about the movement.
Bowel movements are a way to excrete the waste but for parents its all about the science I suppose, dissecting the shape, apparent texture as it floats in the porcelain, and of course like any good gem; cut, color, and clarity. But let’s focus on the color since green poo seems to be the odd misnomer of shit in my house. Green poo in my house would mean calling our poor neighbor who is a PA and asking him his professional opinion, at which time I crack open a beer for him out of the pity to listening to concerns regarding a young child’s fecal matter that resembles the off color of seaweed.
You see as a mom we look stupid on the outside. Oddly we are fucking cerebral ninjas, fully aware of the happenings and goings on, zen with our home and child. We know that the green poo was generated by the injestion of some fruity colored pebble breakfast meal, fruity colored O’s meal, Jello of the odd color,Â PopsicleÂ maybe, and or an entire bag of gummie bears or combination of all the above.
Green poo has been proven to be the result of the god damn marketing of rainbow colored, sugary goodness. If you don’t believe me….try it yourself. $10 says you will be checking out your next dump.