Tag: raising twins

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Mini Me’s

When Big G was born I was so joyful that I had a perfectly healthy and beautiful baby boy. I love Big G like no words can explain. But in all honesty, my vanity started to get the best of me when all I heard was “Oh my gosh!! He looks IDENTICAL to his father.”

And so I thought I was doomed to have all of my children look exactly like their father.

I know, I am pretty vain. But seriously, when someone tells you how your children look like you, their mother, the comment just hits you and is heart warming. Especially because we are the ones who endured TEN, yes 10, MONTHS of agony, bliss, exhaustion, constipation, sleeplessness, irritability, bloating, weight gain, excitement, love, affection, bitching, moaning and the sheer fact we were uncomfortable right before we delivered our precious little person.

You can imagine how ELATED I was when the twins were born. I immediately bust out the baby pictures and did my “Nah nah, eat shit” dance to show how the twins look just like me! I know…..I am a terrible sport. But seriously….for FIVE years, all I heard is how people couldn’t believe Big G was mine because he looks JUST LIKE HIS DAD. FIVE YEARS!!
The only thing that stands out on Big G that he gets from me are the radiant color of his eyes (we have piercing blue eyes) and this really cool birth mark, oh and we can argue till the cows come home…both of us….with each other….and other people if they let us. Big G and I are born to argue! LOL

So here are some fantastic 70s sporting photos of me…..and my comparable Mini-Me.

Mini Me (Pickles Magoo)

Me (circa 1978, 1979 ish)

Me (circa 1979 ish)

Mini Me (Little Bitty)

Me (circa 1979 ish, I was about their age in this picture)

I am just so glad that my genetics finally came through on the looks of our kids. Do not get me wrong…..DH is one sexy beast, but if our daughter looked like him……she might as well pack everything in now and go butch, or lipstick for that matter. I’d love her just the same…..seriously….she is very pretty and totally cute.

I am most thankful that I was able to go 36 weeks, 4 days, 16 hours and 53 minutes before delivering Pickles Magoo and 54 minutes before delivering Little Bitty.
Both were PLENTY healthy and good sized twins, so I know my baking abilities are more than plentiful that is for sure!
As an added bonus they got my striking good looks, goofy loving nature, and they are the best of DH and I all the way around with smarts, love, good nature, bad tempers, and sensitivity.
I am so blessed with my three gnomes!

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Here you go Mom….

This will be one of my TMI blog posts.

I know other Mom’s who have had these moments…..

And you wanted to blog about it……..

And it was hilarious…..but just TMI

Welcome to the dark side as I tell you my TMI tale.

DH decided he would take Big G to the movies. We debated about the movie because the movie was X-Men Origins: Wolverine. I really didn’t have a problem except for the possible violence, but I know the kid has seen worse and heard worse on the news. Plus he is a HUGE superhero fan like no other. Anyway, the big boys were gone leaving me with the Squids. They were sleeping the entire time. YAY for me. I got to blog, finish an article, surf the net, write another article, write some of my paper that I have no interest in.

Needless to say I got a LOT done. So Pickles and Little Bitty finally wake up and I feed them their lunch and I have an issue. I HAVE to go to the bathroom. Sure no problem right, just go!

Not so easy. You see, Little Bitty is fearless, a trained escape artist and clown extraordinaire. I cannot leave her in her high chair alone, she climbs out and pretends that she is King Kong of the high chair, shaking it wildly, screaming and barking like a dog… you get the picture. So I am fearful she will fall and break something.

So I hurriedly remove them from their high chairs and beeline down the hall to the bathroom.

Here is the deal………………..I’m stalling I know……………………..my Aunt Flo is not kind to me. Never has been. I have NASTY back pain. I mean I would rather have back labor again than to have the back pain Aunt Flo provides. Aunt Flo is visiting me, she dropped in today. Lovely. When Aunt Flo visits she also brings other issues south of the border…..like BM issues. Not the pipes are clogged, oh no, my pipes are runneth over.

I make it to the bathroom and forget to shut the door….easy to do in my house when in a hurry. So Pickles Magoo decides he is going to strollingly crawl into the bathroom and keep an eye on his favorite woman, which happens to be me. While diddling in the bathroom keeping an eye on me he becomes distracted.

WHAT WAS THAT BELLOWING ECHO

COMING FROM THAT PORCELAIN SEAT?

Yes. The boy heard what no woman wants to admit she does…..SHART.

Oh, I could feel the flush in my face. I am not quite sure why it mattered because I was looking straight at a person who craps his pants ALL the time. He has no shame, he thinks his penis is an attached play toy, his butt is a tickle zone, why am I embarrassed.

But then more. More noise, I am a scene straight out of Dumb & Dumber and all I can do is finish so I can not be in this white room with a small child watching me. And then……he tries to help me in my moment of total nature nastiness………..

The sweet little boy with the cutest cheeks, happy smile, pale skin, and bold blue eyes looks up with his precious smiling face and hands me a diaper.

Yes ladies…….my 15 month old hands me a diaper.

At that moment I was so proud to know that I gave birth to such an intelligent child that he knew that what I needed……was a diaper.

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Questionable Questions

These words are words, phrases, sentences, questions, inquiries you never want to hear uttered from the mouth of your loving DH. I have heard these and in most instances I can answer with one word, a smile, or the look with the eyebrow. Ladies you know that look. The one where you look at DH or some other poor dolt inquirer.

You look at them like “Did you really just ask me that and do you expect an intelligent answer to your clearly daft question?”

So here are a few crowd pleasers that I incur from DH, strangers in Costco who cannot help themselves, and other dolts:

1. Are these clean or dirty? (text can be applied to dishes or clothes)

My response is the look, then I tell him….well do they stink? Do they have gunk on them? Which appliance are they in…dryer means they are dry….after being cleaned! Dishwasher, do they look clean to you?

2. Did you feed the kids yet?

Hmmm, no I was too busy blogging, Tweeting, sending emails that I decided to pour Cheerios all over the floor and let them forage for a few hours before I actually got around to making them a meal.

3. Are you already showered?

I generally smell of my designer perfume (Ralph Lauren Glamorous is one of my faves), I have fresh make-up instead of my Frankenstein Bride eyes, and my shoes are on…..what do you think?

4. Oh wow, are they identical?

Considering that identical means the same…..hmmmm….well one has a penis and the other a vagina…highly doubt they are the same.

5. Do twins run in your family?

This is a “digger” as I call them. Some random unknown individual decides they need to know whether you needed invitro or not to start up a lengthy conversation. Believe me if I had invitro, I would be in a straight jacket….born to breed!

6. How do you do it?

I mean really do I have a choice in this life? I was given a couple of peaches, a pear, and other fruits in my life…I made a salad.

7. What’s for dinner?

Let me ask “Cookie” since she’s in there whipping up some gourmet delight with macaroni and cheese, turkey burger…….why don’t you make dinner for once. Oh right, if it doesn’t have instructions you are lost.

8. (laying peacefully, quietly in bed as I doze into my slumber wonderland) You going to sleep?

What was the first clue?

9. Have you seen my shoes? belt? jeans? Other random article of clothing belonging to someone else OTHER than moi.

Let’s see, I tried it on but was clashing with my shoes today and my other ensemble.

10. Are they all your children?

No, I got these two on sale from a lady down the street and this one the UFO dropped off six years ago. We’re still waiting for them to come back for him.

11. Do they all have the same daddy?

Nope….I decided it would be fun to have twins from two different fathers, and my oldest looks nothing (identical) like his father. I got that question from a dude at Home Depot one day.

12. Is that you or the dog?

Do we really need to go there?

13. Did you clean the house?

Nope, a truckload of munchkins, dwarves and fairies swooped in today and did it all for me, then even left a pair of ruby red slippers for me.

14. Are you going to wear that?

Why does it make my ass look any smaller? If so heck ya! It’s black, does it get any better?

15. Are you going somewhere?

Keys in hand, purse (diaper bag) on shoulders, sunglasses….nope…this is how I stroll around the house.

16. Are the twins asleep?

I don’t hear anything…..do you? (*crickets) Oh wait, there they are, duct taped to the wall, no wonder the house was so quiet.

17. (sitting on the comode) What are you doing?

(Do I truly have to answer?)…..I’m thinking. I do my best thinking with my pants at my ankles sitting on the latrine with little people and adults looking at me.

*UPDATE
18. This one is courtesy of Jenjen @ Gotta Love Mom : Are you tired?

Let’s see I am a mom…..first clue….I wear many hats (chauffeur, maid, dog walker, gardener, pool guy/girl, sex goddess, domestic diva, the list is endless)…second clue….and my work seems to never be done is the final clue. So you tell me….are you tired from listening to me?

19. These are from my dear twin Mom blogger Beth @ Be Careful What You Wish For: “oh my god, what are you going to do?” (The question when you tell people you are going to have twins)

Beth and I were separated at birth, twin moms have this sick sense of humor, which is why God deemed us fit enough to bear and care for more than one child at the same time. Here is Beth’s answer and I almost choked I was laughing so hard:

“i always wished i had the guts to say “actually, we’ve been looking into black market baby sales and it seems like a good deal. i think we are just going to sell them on the internet.”

20. Another Beth question and answer that I love! “Are you marrying your baby’s father?”

Can you imagine if i were to ask people this question in reverse?!?! “Oh, is this baby your husband’s?” (Go give Beth some comment love and a follow, she’s got some great stuff going on her blog! Just click on her linky above)

Do you have any obvious questions that never truly need answers, but find a shady form of comedy to entertain the question to keep from losing your mind. Leave your comments, I would love to share with other Mom’s and Dad’s. Happy Friday!

Keep the comments coming ladies….you know you have had some really stupid questions asked that you where you have experienced a hidden urge to slap the person who asked. All in good fun.

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Sing Us A Song….

The lyrics are ones that pretty much everyone knows. At least I hope you know the lyrics and tune to the ever famous Billy Joel song “Piano Man”. Billy Joel is by far one of my favorite artists, as I have so many.

Seems my youngest son has joined me in my love for Billy Joel. The soothing sounds of the ivory keys on the piano seem to set him at ease……or maybe the sound of Billy’s voice touches his soul, I am not quite sure.

One day while driving on the freeway with Pickles Magoo fussing I tried everything from the Binky, a blanket, a bottle, you name it I tried it and the poor boy wouldn’t quit. So I couldn’t handle the screaming and thought I would turn on the music and turn the volume up a little louder to help drown the crying. (I know…bad mommy….but we have all been there at least once) Little did I know that the musical genius permeating from my speakers would put the boy in a DEAD SILENCE!

“Scenes from an Italian restaurant” came through the speakers and the Pickles Magoo was hypnotized! No one believed me….and I mean no one! Until one day when my mother was riding in the car with me on our way home from Sun City that she became a believer. (Cue Monkeez music…HA HA) Since those moments I have been trying to capture the elusive actions of Pickles Magoo as he is a fuss budget and then suddenly is in the trance of the Piano Man himself. The best I could do was the other day on our way home from our trip to Costco. Unfortunately the picture from my cell phone is less than desirable, but from my perspective you can see Pickles Magoo fighting the inevitable sleep creeping in and just seconds before I turned on the camera and the radio he was screaming as if someone was pulling him limb from limb. Enjoy what you can see…and hear of the Piano Man.

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Before and Not Quite After

So I said like a week ago that I would be playing construction and not sure if I could blog……well let me share the fruits of my labor for the last week(s) or so which includes moving 200 sq. ft. of sh-tuff into my garage and other miscellaneous storage areas in my house. My shed is slowly morphing into what we will call the “pool house” if we ever sell our house. (BTW- We do have a pool to the left of the picture of the “pool house”)

Painting is a slow and go….only because I hate to primer ugly colors…..so enjoy my crasptastic primer job that I am still working on. But the pool house will hold our office and a futon for folks to stay with us and the current office will become 200sq. ft. of play area for my munchkins with all their toys and a twin bed for naps and extra bed space. The huge queen seen in the picture will be moved into G’s room so maybe he will quit sleeping in our room. He sneaks into our bed in the middle of the night since we have a super comfy Seely Posturpedic. So he gets the comfy huge queen. Luckiest 5 year old I know!!

Anyway here is what the interior looks like now….equipped with A/C for those bloody hot summers here in Arizona. Now all we have to do is put up the wall coverings and insulate the ceiling (I did a lot of the insulation with DH….and ALL of the painting by myself). But once the walls go up…..VOILA!!!! Office and area away from the kids. I plan to decorate the area and paint with colors that suggest….um…..whats the word….peace, solace, calm.

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The Working Mother

Ah yes the working mom. We know the stereotype as the Mom who works outside of the home. The mom who commutes and holds a “real” job. I can say I have come to resent that whole stereotypical bravado of “the working mom”. I mean really, what am I doing…..sitting on my duff watching soap operas and eating take out?

I used to be the working mom. The stereotype in the expensive suits commuting to the office making me and my bosses lots and lots of money. I would get Starbucks for lunch and have expensive Vodka drinks after work and I would also be the working mom who would pick up her son from daycare. Yup, I was that Mom. I would drive tirelessly home to fix dinner, cawtch up on laundry and miscellaneous house work and get my son and husband to bed and I would finally crash, then I would wake at 5am to do the same thing all over again. Yes, I was the working mom.

But things haven’t changed. Well, my wardrobe has and I added a few kids (by accident, not like I planned for my biology to say “Here, here’s an extra egg smart girl”).
Here is to the true working mom! The undervalued, underappreciated, underpayed, no thanks at all Mom who busts her ass everyday to take care of her children, her home, her husband and show pride in doing so. We are the true working Mom’s.
I used to mock those women who would stay home. Like “What the hell? Yeah, you so do not have it rough lady?” Oh how I ate my words. Yes, one child is such a breeze. Believe me I got so much more accomplished but add a couple more and let me tell you…..well you probably know. The job is hard. Trying to appease three little mob bosses barking at you for more food at the table. Caring for the homeless when those children ask for “money”, “Food” and “a ride somewhere”. Yes, I just referenced children to being like a homeless person. Then add in the mix laundry, housecleaning, running the kids to this function or that, to and from school, yard work, dinner, dishes, then add a couple of screaming kids and you have to stop what you are doing to pay attention to that situation and your whole day can be shot. So the “working Mom”…yeah….that broad has got it easy. I did your job….for many years…..you come do mine and then we’ll compare notes. Until then…..here is to the true working mom and all of our selflessness for caring for the ones we love and showing pride in our home. Way to go Girl!!!
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Project Manager

I think that is my new term I will use for everything since I am not treated like the CEO who runs this operation almost flawlessly everyday. Here is how a typical week of operations look like, including G and the Squids:
Sunday: attempt to finish any school projects, follow around kids cleaning up messes, attempt to blog about said messes, feed dog, water dog, brush pool, sigh at weeds that need pulled, make lunch, breakfast, dinner, play clown to Squids, personal assistant to G and Chad, watch my HBO shows, set up coffee for morning, bed.

Monday: Awake @ 3 by Squid Seth, lost bottle looking to crawl and fails miserably, back to sleep until 5 where I stumble for coffee and attempt to wake up alone and in peace only to have said Squid wake up babbling LOUDLY (dada, yaya, lala….squeals in the dark), in shower by 6 or 6:30 to be dressed and ready before G wakes up at 7 to feed him breakfast that he argues about (every morning), get him ready, Squid Sara is awake, load all three in car, drop off G at school, haul back to the house to put garbage can out by street before I miss pickup. Home to look over school, attempt to do some school work, squids down for a nap, take inventory of all dirty laundry (at least 3 loads), make beds, have Pepsi, back to pick up G at 11. Back home, fix lunch, take inventory of perishable and non-perishable food items including those that add to the side of my rear end (because Costco has the best damn cookies EVER!!!), make Costco run for said needed items. Come home, unload, back to Fry’s to pick up small items not needed in bulk from Costco, back home to unload. Fix dinner, play clown and wait staff to the three small mob bosses barking at me from the counter eating. Clean up dinner, baths all around, then bed for the three little amigos, I then pull in the trash can sitting at the curb all day waiting for someone else other than me to bring in. I get to watch some DVR shows with DH (if he is not occupied by War Crack, I mean War Craft) bed.

Tuesday-Friday: Rinse and repeat. Except on Thursday, put out recycling bins instead of trash bin.

Now in the mix throw in doctors appointments for the Squids which is a circus (oh are they twins, oh, oh….SLAP), PTO committees, school functions like the Halloween parade on Friday, picture retakes, school recycling program. I swear, you think that parents are like the parents on TV and from Desperate Housewives….I mean seriously….who is over scheduled here? The kids or the parents? Sheesh!

Add on top of all of this….I have an electrician doing something outside of my home…that I need to check on right now…he is doing what we asked…though I hear funny noises. I have to pick up G in 20 minutes, write two papers this week (BLAH!), cut the last two pieces of trim for my room that DH said he would do Saturday (is it still Saturday?!!!), nail said pieces of trim in, caulk, touch up paint, move bed back, somewhere in there clean my house and find some peace. So as project manager I will delegate all BS projects to DH as I am tired of getting them all done. Which also include making a trip to an e-cycler (electronics recycler) to do my duty to our environment and get rid of the SHIT computer stuff taking up precious space, trekking through Home Depot with the Squids to pick up building materials, and I don’t even know what else!! So, that is my rant for today. Here is what I have done though so I have proof of my hard work!! Now all of these items have been cleared out so the entire shed is EMPTY!!! Ready for the electrician to run lines and us to close in, etc.
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McCalls Pumpkin Patch

G was in Albuquerque last week as we all know since I had some free time (HA!) last week. During his stint there Grandma ran him around and they did all sorts of fun stuff. One of his memorable activities was visiting the McCalls Pumpkin Patch in Moriarty with his cousin Colin and Colin’s church day school. Here is how their pumpkin patch visit went along with pictures of BIL #1, G-Mommy (Great Grandma), cousin Colin, and pictures of the hayride. G was able to pick out his own pumpkin which is so cute since it is the size of a softball and he brought home baby pumpkins to our baby pumpkins. Such a great brother! Also big thanks and love to Grandma Bev for setting up the field trip for G for the pumpkin patch and all the great pics!
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Playing Construction

I won’t be blogging…..at least I say that now….for a few days as I will be playing construction to my home along with junk sorter extraordinaire!

Chad and I decided to convert our gigantic shed into an outdoor office so now we have to relocate junk, stuff, tools, and lawn mowers somewhere else! I am thinking we need a bigger house. So I was up late last night cutting trim to finish trimming our bedroom and today I will be finishing homework so that I can finish the aforementioned.

I will post pics of the before and after! This should be fun. Especially because I have an electrician coming on Tuesday and I need concrete cut and all the junk moved! YIKES!

But the good news is that the office will be the kids’ play room for all their JUNK and toys and we will probably put a bed in there for folks to stay. Off to run power tools, research useless information, and stash junk where I have no place to stash it! HA!!

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Ten Things Tuesday

I have to first say Thank you to Mrs. Brownstone the XBOX wife for this wonderful gift to share with everyone!

1. I am thankful for my sister. I am thankful for having my sisters, Brittany, Nicole and Tori. I don’t always get to talk and spend time with them but I love them dearly and am thankful for them. Especially because I saw Britt doing Ten Things Tuesday and thought HOW AWESOME!

2. I am thankful for the fact that I can have breakfast for dinner and my kids eat it, they love it, and nutritious to boot!

3. I am thankful for my twins being able to sit in their high chairs to feed themselves and they ate their mashed potatoes all by themselves!

4. I am thankful for my G being able to wash his own body every night when he takes a shower. He still needs help washing his hair but he can wash his body and that is super awesome!

5. I am thankful that I will be spending Thanksgiving with 75% of my family….now I just need to convince the other 25% to come out (hint hint Britt!).

6. I am thankful for all of my extended family and this weekend I will be able to see all of their crazy selves and spend time with them. Although it may be for a sad occasion with the passing of my Aunt, we will be “waking” in her honor and celebrating life just as she would want!

7. I am thankful for this blog and other blogs and being able to share in my friends’ and families lives. We may not all connect all the time but thanks to the net we can still stay in touch.

8. This one is odd….but makes sense…I am thankful for my chunky monkey body. If I didn’t have a chunky monkey body, that would only mean I am childless and I am thankful I am chunky because that means I have three wonderful gifts to share my chunky self with hugging each one of them everyday.

9. I am thankful for my mother for teaching me how to be tough. Because some days, when I want to give into my kids, I remember my mom and how she would NEVER give in to me and she taught me independence.

10. My dishwasher. Because I have a BOAT load of dishes and my hands are so cracked and dry anyway from cleaning that I couldn’t bear to wash dishes. So I am thankful for my Whirlpool to do it for me.