Category: Motherhood

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Truth be told….I’m a Failure

I for one am not a perfect mother, I am 100% WIP (Work In Progress). I have no books to teach me to be a mother, no books to tell me what is what, I just have my simple knowledge to help me decipher my asshole from a hole in the ground. I am humbled by the fact that I love my children whole hearted, that they look to me for everything. They can throw fits for their father and the moment I walk in the room…..all is right with the world again.

I do not have the answers. Any mother who claims to “have the answers”, well sister…..you need to ascend to a higher astral plane because we are clearly, unworthy.

Each child, each mother, each family and situation yields different actions, reactions, and well care handling. I do not expect my sister to raise her kids the way I raise my kids, despite the fact that we were raised in the same home by the same parents. I also for one would never tell my sister “you are doing this wrong” when talking to her about raising kids. I think that NO MOTHER has that right. I for one would not want anyone to tell me that how I am raising my kids is wrong, how I discipline them is wrong, what I feed them is wrong.

I birthed 22 pounds 4 ounces worth of kids. Big G was 8.2, Pickles was 8.2 and Little Bitty was 6 even. I even had two at the same time. But this does not give me any right, the fact I have three or that I birthed two at the same time does not give me any right. But yet I see mothers from my local Costco to the blogosphere who judge women…….ESPECIALLY mothers without mercy and I cannot understand why.

So here are my failures that other mothers call out on:

Truth be told I am a mother who does not spank….while every ounce in my angered body wants to swat my child I do not.
I do not put my child in a timeout in a corner, he is sent to his room….where he has NO toys.
I do not always feed my children organic. (GASP!)
I do not let my kids drink soda, lots of juice, eat certain snacks, so clearly I fail as a mother.
I fail at the fact that when I brought the twins home all Big G wanted to do was play with his siblings instead of hit them be angry and ignore them.
I fail at the fact my five, soon to be six year old son can count to 200.
I fail that my son can count in Spanish.
I fail that my son has known his alphabet and colors since he was three.
I fail that my son asks to be excused from the dinner table each night.
I fail that the twins can show me with their hands, sign language of sorts, that they are all finished with their meals.
I fail that Big G knows how to load the dishwasher.
I fail that he feeds the family dog.
I fail that my 15 month old daughter Little Bitty knows where the trash is located and properly disposes of trash…..and some miscellaneous items too.
I fail that they kiss and hug, without a cue.
I fail that ALL of my kids are in bed generally NO LATER than 8:30p.m.
I fail that at every meal my kids have at least one food group…..somehow.
I fail as a mother that ALL of my kids are happy.
I fail that all of my kids are healthy, well fed, and well cared for.
I fail that I choose to vaccinate my kids, for everything, yup, even Swine Flu (just kidding).
I fail that I want my kids to go to public and private schools.
I fail that I want more for my kids that what I had.
I fail that I work EVERYDAY on my marriage to my love so my kids have happy, healthy, get over it, parents.
I fail that EVERYDAY I work to be a better mother, mom, wife, individual.
I fail that I make self-centered choices, for myself, my kids, and my family…
I fail that I have LOTS and LOTS of faults….and I admit them, embrace them, and learn from them.
I fail that I have cussed in front of my children.
But most of all……..I fail because they know ME as Mom. I fail that I raise them as a mother, as their mother.

I can keep going. Do any of these fit you? Do you fail at any of the aforementioned the way I have?

Please give me my due process if you are one of those mother’s, because clearly, you need to ascend sister and I for one am unworthy. Because of you our world would be perfect, full of codependents, naysayers, and happy people for judgments to be passed by a mere mortal.
Leave the judging to others of a higher power would you please?! Agree to disagree about how anyone raises their children. No parent, no mother, no one on Earth is perfect. We all do the best we can with the tools we are given…which by the way are from another mother…..usually our own. We live, we learn, we pass on. We try to break cycles, create new ones. We love with no end and beginning, no boundaries and no limitations. So the next time you think about saying how you do not like someone because of the way she raises her kids or the opportunities she has been given or failed to receive, just remember we have ALL been there.
We have all had good times and bad, wealth and poverty, sickness and health, life and death, gratitude and ungratefulness, felicity and sadness, crudeness and civility.

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Not Getting It….

I love my moms that dropped by to share their comments about Mother’s Day Sucks! But I have to say that some people are NOT getting the message. I wasn’t bagging on Mother’s Day, I wasn’t saying that my day sucked, I am not that negative. I am a realist…which is why most people dislike me, I give you everything you wanted without a big red bow, without the sugar, just raw, pure, unadulterated slap you in the face good ‘ol honesty *UPDATE There is no drama in honesty, if there is…well then the saying IS true…..ALL THE WORLD IS A STAGE.

Here is the deal with Mother’s Day. You moms, and you know who you are, that go around telling everyone what a “Joy joy wonderful” day you had are full of it! Yup you are grade A, 100% full of minutiae and I will tell you why before you stop following me or leave me a nasty comment that I will leave for ALL to see. You moms are settling. You are settling for ONE lousy ass day for people to treat you like you are special, to appreciate you, to tell you endlessly that they love you. WHY THE HELL DO YOU ALLOW THIS ONLY ON ONE DAY? And then brag about what a singularly wonderful day you had and then the rest suck a goats ear. I say you are settling.

You are settling for less when you deserve more. You deserve to be told at least once a day, once a week, or once every 12 hours that you are appreciated. If you are not being told this or your husband and or children are looking at you like you are speaking Greek then go on strike. If you are not being TOLD everyday at least that you are appreciated then quit. In all honesty quit your job. At a real job you are told you are appreciated, you get a paycheck. The paycheck of being a mom and being a stay at home mom at that is being told you are appreciated.

Some of you are arguing saying “Well I know they appreciate me.” Great, so why not tell you more or more often for that matter. Why do we settle for one day, maybe two a year to receive flowers. Do different flowers not bloom year round? Can you not buy a Hallmark card anytime and anywhere for that matter? Can you not tell me on more than just one day a year how much I am appreciated?

I used to get so angry with DH because I would power clean my house, where you could eat off the floors like they were the finest wood ever laid and my stainless steel was so clean you could use the appliances as mirrors, and then he would just leave clothes, dishes, and whatever strewn everywhere and completely destroy my masterpiece. I thought I am going to quit…to hell with cleaning. But I cannot do that. Why not? I am a clean control freak, I am so OCD about cleaning. I mean I venture into the area around the toilet to clean that no man has gone before….and I do mean no man. If my man went there I know I would get more appreciation as he would see the schtuff I put up with for cleaning, can you say HazMat?

So I finally yelled at him and he asked what exactly I wanted. To be honest I wasn’t sure at the time, but then I was sure. I wanted appreciation. I wanted to be appreciated for the hard work I do around the house. I don’t mind hard work at all, cleaning, yard work, those are all my muse for blog content in addition to the kids. I can putter at my work and think quietly in my head, taking note, and then I am able to look at what I accomplished. And the victory is even sweeter when someone tells me “Wow, looks great babe. Thank you, we appreciate you.” Those few words make every day a great day. I don’t need a pedicure, or a luncheon, flowers, or a card, while they are appreciated I don’t need and or want them. I love the daily appreciation, love, and respect from the everyday and not just on Mother’s Day.

For you Mom’s that had an average day and nothing spectacular, that’s okay. Accept this. I have lived long by this “Expect the worst and hope for the best” that way I am never disappointed or let down. Especially on days like Mother’s Day, but I am not saying I had a craptastic day, I had a nice day, again nothing spectacular, just a really great average day. So while I didn’t have one day where I was treated like a queen, I know that everyday I am a princess who is loved and adored and always goes to bed with her prince. So ladies, here is to you for being a mom!!

A mom has the hardest job on Earth. You are appreciated, you are loved, and you are special, EVERYDAY not just Mother’s Day.
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Sing Us A Song….

The lyrics are ones that pretty much everyone knows. At least I hope you know the lyrics and tune to the ever famous Billy Joel song “Piano Man”. Billy Joel is by far one of my favorite artists, as I have so many.

Seems my youngest son has joined me in my love for Billy Joel. The soothing sounds of the ivory keys on the piano seem to set him at ease……or maybe the sound of Billy’s voice touches his soul, I am not quite sure.

One day while driving on the freeway with Pickles Magoo fussing I tried everything from the Binky, a blanket, a bottle, you name it I tried it and the poor boy wouldn’t quit. So I couldn’t handle the screaming and thought I would turn on the music and turn the volume up a little louder to help drown the crying. (I know…bad mommy….but we have all been there at least once) Little did I know that the musical genius permeating from my speakers would put the boy in a DEAD SILENCE!

“Scenes from an Italian restaurant” came through the speakers and the Pickles Magoo was hypnotized! No one believed me….and I mean no one! Until one day when my mother was riding in the car with me on our way home from Sun City that she became a believer. (Cue Monkeez music…HA HA) Since those moments I have been trying to capture the elusive actions of Pickles Magoo as he is a fuss budget and then suddenly is in the trance of the Piano Man himself. The best I could do was the other day on our way home from our trip to Costco. Unfortunately the picture from my cell phone is less than desirable, but from my perspective you can see Pickles Magoo fighting the inevitable sleep creeping in and just seconds before I turned on the camera and the radio he was screaming as if someone was pulling him limb from limb. Enjoy what you can see…and hear of the Piano Man.

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Parents and Children

We all say it as potential parents. We say this to ward off the evil wrongs done to us by our parents. We say it in spite at times. We all say that we will treat all of our children equally and with fairness. But really? Do we?

NO!

Not one person can say that they treat all of their children with fairness and equality, unless of course you only have one child. In that case of a single child, no other children are vying for your attention, affection, and approval. If you can say you treat your children equally I stand here telling you…You are a liar! Each child, probably with some difference in age, will require different needs to be fulfilled and honestly you feel differently for each child which by human nature results in a different outward display. This is not a flaw, just a stated fact. I have viewed this behavior by my own parents.

True equality happened to me with multiples. In all seriousness. One Mommy, Two babies and they are both crying….which one do you pick up? If you pick up one the other is still crying and visibly more upset because you picked up his or her twin and vice versa. What do you do? In my case I picked up both. I breast fed both at the same time, changed them at the same time, dressed them at the same time, bathed them at the same time, spoon fed them at the same time (and I am not ambidextrous by any means), everything happened to them at the same time. Not only did this allow for some serious time management for my oldest, but allowed me to sleep and accomplish a few things.
Now the tough part will be their needs as older children since one is a boy and one is a girl. However, I also have big G to think about too. The other day was a tough one as a mother as I told him that the toys he was hiding were for the babies, he could play with the toys, but he had to play with the toys with the babies. He hated this! So I asked him if he wanted to be a baby and he told me NO. Okay, case closed, so I then explained the difference. I also made sure that I spent equal amount of time playing with him as I did the other two so that we all were spending time together. I also made sure that he got his special time alone with me just as the other two do. I have to say that being truly equal is the most time consuming, emotional experience that happens to a parent. Normal human instinct is telling you to go with the flow of the three kids and tend to the one that needs the most attention at that time….well, who dictates that? I think as parents we have been trained that way and in the end each, child is put into a role for life!

My oldest is my oldest by time, cannot deny that. However, G is not my babysitter, G is not the babies surrogate parent, G is not responsible for his siblings, G will not be put in the perfectionist spot of most oldest children. I say this knowing that my son had obvious flaws that I love, I always want him to do his best and when he gets older he will not be the automatic babysitter. If he WANTS to baby-sit he can, but he won’t be expected to. As for the twins, I will always do my damnedest to treat them as individuals but they will be loved and treated as equally as G all the time. Alrighty….enough of that heavy stuff….off to a fun rant of sorts.

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Gadget Girl

Here is Gadget Girl again on the move here at home……we found she loves these things:

1. Fleece blankets
2. Her BFF Seth
3. Organic Apple Sweet Potatoes
4. The Cable remote
5. Mommy’s cell phone

Beware of Gadget Girl coming soon to a home near you! Be sure to lock up your fleece and electronics!

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My car and house have Menopause

So DH (Chad) and I have decided to upgrade our home and install a 30 year new A/C unit. Yes, the unit on our home is the original unit. Like everything else the darn thing probably has a stamp that says “1978 Made in Vietnam”. My cabinets said that mind you so I am assuming anything else being replaced must say that. The old A/C unit creates menopause in my home….at around oh say 11pm my house turns into the county morgue. I swear you can chill some fancy prosciutto in this house with how chilly it gets. Then around 2am I wake up sweating like a fat woman stuck in an elevator. Full on drench! My house has now warmed up again, requiring my half dazed self to drag into the hall to turn the thermostat down to my chilly 74*. I like it chilly because gives me a reason to stay cool and cuddle under the covers. Which is retarded because I live in the hottest of the 48 contiguous states. Regardless…off topic.

On top of my house having this wonderful hot and cold spells, my wonderful new mini-van has decided to act in the same fashion. Back on the 9th I had to take it in because the A/C flat out stopped working. I then had a new respect for my mother who also trucked around 3 kids in a car….not only because she trucked them around but did that with NO A/C!! She is a champ! But she was also smart because she took ice cubes that my brother rationed out so sparingly. I mean it will melt otherwise…pass around the damn ice Chris!

Anyway, back to the van. Took it in, got fixed, WEE, cold A/C again. Yeah, this lasted about 3 weeks…exactly 20 days! So I drove the van on Saturday to visit my Mom and get inside after I had ran it to cool it off…..yeah that was in vain. The thing never cooled off and all the kids are loaded ready to go. (Insert lots of curse words!) So, bit the bullet, drove to Mom’s and enjoyed the day. In the meantime, called to yell at the dealership and make another appointment to get it fixed, which is what happened this morning. Had to take the darn thing in. I hope this time they get that fixed…..I am so fed up with A/C issues!! UGH!