We all say it as potential parents. We say this to ward off the evil wrongs done to us by our parents. We say it in spite at times. We all say that we will treat all of our children equally and with fairness. But really? Do we?
NO!
Not one person can say that they treat all of their children with fairness and equality, unless of course you only have one child. In that case of a single child, no other children are vying for your attention, affection, and approval. If you can say you treat your children equally I stand here telling you…You are a liar! Each child, probably with some difference in age, will require different needs to be fulfilled and honestly you feel differently for each child which by human nature results in a different outward display. This is not a flaw, just a stated fact. I have viewed this behavior by my own parents.
True equality happened to me with multiples. In all seriousness. One Mommy, Two babies and they are both crying….which one do you pick up? If you pick up one the other is still crying and visibly more upset because you picked up his or her twin and vice versa. What do you do? In my case I picked up both. I breast fed both at the same time, changed them at the same time, dressed them at the same time, bathed them at the same time, spoon fed them at the same time (and I am not ambidextrous by any means), everything happened to them at the same time. Not only did this allow for some serious time management for my oldest, but allowed me to sleep and accomplish a few things.
Now the tough part will be their needs as older children since one is a boy and one is a girl. However, I also have big G to think about too. The other day was a tough one as a mother as I told him that the toys he was hiding were for the babies, he could play with the toys, but he had to play with the toys with the babies. He hated this! So I asked him if he wanted to be a baby and he told me NO. Okay, case closed, so I then explained the difference. I also made sure that I spent equal amount of time playing with him as I did the other two so that we all were spending time together. I also made sure that he got his special time alone with me just as the other two do. I have to say that being truly equal is the most time consuming, emotional experience that happens to a parent. Normal human instinct is telling you to go with the flow of the three kids and tend to the one that needs the most attention at that time….well, who dictates that? I think as parents we have been trained that way and in the end each, child is put into a role for life!
My oldest is my oldest by time, cannot deny that. However, G is not my babysitter, G is not the babies surrogate parent, G is not responsible for his siblings, G will not be put in the perfectionist spot of most oldest children. I say this knowing that my son had obvious flaws that I love, I always want him to do his best and when he gets older he will not be the automatic babysitter. If he WANTS to baby-sit he can, but he won’t be expected to. As for the twins, I will always do my damnedest to treat them as individuals but they will be loved and treated as equally as G all the time. Alrighty….enough of that heavy stuff….off to a fun rant of sorts.