Category: Twin Life

Herring family stories of life with twins. Motherhood and fatherhood of twin life, antics and survival stories.

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Twin Mommy Love

I am proud to say I am a mom to twins. Not so much for the accomplishment that I successfully carried and delivered two human beings on the exact same day and carried them for the exact same time, together, in one womb, even though it is truly a feat. But I am proud to say I am a twin mommy or a mom of multiples because I am in some really fabulous company.

Not only do we get twice the hug, kisses, loves, and smiles, but twin moms and moms of multiples are truly unique. They have an air about them that no other mother has. Not quite sure the words or how to explain this sense of being with these women, but when you are in their presence you know what I mean. I spent my Thursday night with a group of them and you feel at home with them.

So my Thursday night I was with my Busy Bee Mom group as I WILL NOT miss a meeting. That is my fix, my mom time, my night out, my two hours or more of pure blissdom and freedom to enjoy with other women. Gossiping, learning, supporting, and guiding in this job we call “Mom.” Part of the meeting was also to share your job in the club, which I will do next month (September). My job, if I did not already share with you (probably because I am modest) is that I am the National Rep and Donations Coordinator for our club.

I converse with the NOMOTC (the national level) about what we do every month and find out about conventions, conferences, and goings on about being a parent of multiples. I also go around asking businesses for donations to the club (since we are a non-profit under the IRS 501(c)(3)) to help support our moms. Our biggest campaign right now that I am running is our “Meals on Wheels” for new and expectant mothers. Which currently we have at least SIX (give or take a few) new moms that I counted at Thursday’ meeting that are expecting or recently delivered.

These moms will have their hands FULL, as we are always told (DUH!), and so we are asking local restaurants to donate a gift card for a to-go dinner for the dad to pick up on his way home to share with his family. Especially because our group is so large and so is the Valley (Chandler, Mesa, Gilbert, Queen Creek, etc) that delivering a meal to a club member can be difficult.

In addition we also ask for donations for our monthly meetings for cool swag to be raffled off. If you show to the meeting, everyone gets a ticket. At the end of the meeting a ticket is drawn and a lucky mom gets some cool swag! I have entertained folks such as Whole Foods for the organic mommies, Fry’s Food (since we all need groceries period!), Toys and Babies R Us, Target, and most recently and most proudly….some TWIN mommy business owners, successful multiple mamas, and mamas that support the Mothers of Multiples Community!!

These mamas are absolute gems if you ask me and I know I enjoy “tweeting” them up when I can. I also love one of their blogs and not to mention the books they have. You got it…BOOKS! You know how I go GAH GAH over books.

One of these mamas is Susan Heim. Have you heard of her? I have, and I just LOVE her and she is a riot! Tons of fun this lady is and FULL FULL FULL of her twin knowledge. Also because oh, she has twins! I read her book and have to say that is so refreshing to know others have been there, still there, and going there again! Being a parent of multiples brings out the best and worst and life gets easier when you know others are out there with you, sharing the same loves and pains of being a parent of multiples. Susan is awesome enough to donate some books to our club to add to our library for new, expectant, and already chasing multiples, moms! Susan RAWKS!

My other mama is another gem. She has the name of a Southern Belle and a heart of gold. Miss Shelby Tutty is the founder of Double Up Books which is a site dedicated to the sale of books about twins, triplets, and other higher order multiples. Her site RAWKS!! Her books…RAWK! She RAWKS because she is donating to our club and in response to her grateful act we are publishing a link to her website. Because when you search about twins, you get everything else BUT stuff about twin babies or twin kids. So her site is your one stop shop to find the goods on having multiples and raising a family and parenting support.

Like I said, multiple mamas and those who know the job of a multiple mama RAWK. They are one of a kind, are gems, are AWE SOME!! I cannot say enough about them and I think I am done now with all my twin mommy love to these ladies. Just fabulous for their gracious acts and support of our community. Now go check them out, because they are wonderful.

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You Might Die Having More Than One Baby…Well Not Literally

My reaction to having twins was pretty much like all other mother’s or soon to be mothers who found they were having twins.

WTF!!??

Seriously. I did not sign up for this. I was crazy enough to sign up for ONE. Let alone TWO!

The journey of life begins. Every mother/soon to be mother’s fear is the loss of the pregnancy until about week 12 or so. The fear subsides. Sometimes the morning sickness. Heartburn is a daily visitor. Urinating is like breathing….you don’t realize you went so much until you see your water bill the next month from what seems like continuous flushing. And finally the time comes when the two little faces you have come to know as Baby A and Baby B, blurry, splotchy, and skeletal, greet you with white filmy, pink flesh, cries, crying, tears, joy, sorrow, shakes, unknowing, fear, terror, pain, defense, a rainbow gamut of emotions.

I wanted to make sure my kids were alright. I was put at ease to know they were. They still are. Bounding, giggling, sqwealing, wailing, whining, crying, and carrying on, they are more than alright. But before we got to the alright, I really was not sure if I would be alright.

I was not sure if I could go the distance. I saw my skin stretch to the point of being a cast member on a Sci Fi world premiere television event. My back, hips, and knees were in so much pain, I was thankful for the winter season in AZ so I could sport compression stockings 24-7. I quite literally thought I would die. Twin pregnancy sucked. Pregnancy with a singleton sucked, but nothing compared to my two for one deal.

So when I met them and I was ponder how the hell I would manage. By Myself. All Alone. I thought I was going to break. Yes I have DH. Yes he is a great help with changings and baths and the like. But the rest was all me. You see I was the one with the lactating breasts. I was the one who had two. Lactating. Breasts. And so I did it. I breast fed both my twins. At the same time, one on each breast. For each feeding. Never missing a beat. Never, if hardly ever giving a bottle. With the exception to boost caloric intake for Sara who was a lot smaller and needed more, even though she was six pounds at birth as a twin. But I did it. Until I thought I was going to die. Until I thought I was going to lose my mind. I was losing every inkling of who I was as a person. As a woman. A wife. A caregiver. I need to break what I was doing for my own metal condition. To prevent a complete breakdown.

I had many. Breakdowns. I would put the kids down for their nap time which was every 2 hours give or take. And then I would find a nice spot in the house to retreat and ball my eyes out. I didn’t ask for twins. I didn’t have fertility issues. I was and am a good mother…why was I cursed? Why was I given this ultimate challenge, the job to top all jobs, an early death sentence, why me? I asked this for six months after the birth of my Thing One and Two. What was I to learn? Had I not suffered and struggled enough in my young life that NOW. NOW when I can enjoy being a mother I am tossed this curving knuckle ball to beat out into center field.

So I suffered through the pointless comments, stops, gawks, and gasps about having twins. The daft and the bold of fertility issues which most assumed was my issue. NO ONE has twins that are boy girl. (Um…okay….did you miss sex ed.) I dealt with it all. The nasty, the insane, the unbelievable, even the codependents who clearly thought I was unable to care for two children at the same time. As if I was the Octo-Mom Nadya Suleman or something.

At about 10 months I knew I was going to make it. Life got easier as I weaned (Sara…not so much the Seth-En-Stein) off the boob and into a hand held baby bottle to go! Bottle feeding was easy as they were able to hold things on their own at that time. Then when the sitting up really was in full force the high chairs were rotated into the house. Meals got easier. Naps were still consistent. I was a free woman again. I could leave the house and not worry if I was going to have saucer size messes all over my shirts if I didn’t move fast enough through a store to get home for a feeding.

Things got easier because I kept them on a schedule. From the day they were born they were on a schedule with me. I knew if they deviated life would be hell. I wouldn’t sleep, I would suffer, they would suffer, DH and Big G would suffer with me.

The one year mark passed and I wondered where the time went. I still wonder. I thought life would get easier with them. Which life did, get easier, for a short moment. And then they both started walking. Climbing. Almost running now. My house is on a constant Def Con 1 status.

But being a mom of twins gets easier. I am able to enjoy these moments as they entertain themselves. I am not always the playmate, which sucks, but is a life saver all in one. I watch them now “twin talk” to each other. I watch them watch us and learn. I watch them turn into loving people before my eyes and I wonder where the time has gone.

Big G told me the other day how much he loved me and that I was a great mom. I didn’t know what to say. I welled up and felt the burn in my cheeks, my nostrils flared, and I wondered where the time went. He tells me how much he appreciates the organic juice and milk boxes for lunch, that I cut his sandwiches into triangles, that I picked him up from school with his brother and sister. And I wonder where the time has gone. That my boy no longer gazes at me like I am the most beautiful woman on Earth, but that I am the woman who knows him best. Moreso than his father. He looks at me and smiles and tells me how much he loves me. The twins fight for a seat in my Indian Style lap, each wanting a prized thigh to hold them. And I wonder where the time has gone that they used to feed until they couldn’t eat anymore, gaze up at me and pass out.

I really thought I was going to die with twins. But if dying means that you get to enjoy all that life gives you, with twice as many hugs, twice as many smiles, and yes…twice as many diapers. I wouldn’t change my death wish. Life with multiples isn’t easy, but what is easy is the love you feel for these people who came into your life when you thought you truly were damned.

I am proud to have enjoyed Grant as my oldest, he was my teacher on being a mom. The twins are only helping me perfect the fine art of evolving motherhood.

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Mini Me’s

When Big G was born I was so joyful that I had a perfectly healthy and beautiful baby boy. I love Big G like no words can explain. But in all honesty, my vanity started to get the best of me when all I heard was “Oh my gosh!! He looks IDENTICAL to his father.”

And so I thought I was doomed to have all of my children look exactly like their father.

I know, I am pretty vain. But seriously, when someone tells you how your children look like you, their mother, the comment just hits you and is heart warming. Especially because we are the ones who endured TEN, yes 10, MONTHS of agony, bliss, exhaustion, constipation, sleeplessness, irritability, bloating, weight gain, excitement, love, affection, bitching, moaning and the sheer fact we were uncomfortable right before we delivered our precious little person.

You can imagine how ELATED I was when the twins were born. I immediately bust out the baby pictures and did my “Nah nah, eat shit” dance to show how the twins look just like me! I know…..I am a terrible sport. But seriously….for FIVE years, all I heard is how people couldn’t believe Big G was mine because he looks JUST LIKE HIS DAD. FIVE YEARS!!
The only thing that stands out on Big G that he gets from me are the radiant color of his eyes (we have piercing blue eyes) and this really cool birth mark, oh and we can argue till the cows come home…both of us….with each other….and other people if they let us. Big G and I are born to argue! LOL

So here are some fantastic 70s sporting photos of me…..and my comparable Mini-Me.

Mini Me (Pickles Magoo)

Me (circa 1978, 1979 ish)

Me (circa 1979 ish)

Mini Me (Little Bitty)

Me (circa 1979 ish, I was about their age in this picture)

I am just so glad that my genetics finally came through on the looks of our kids. Do not get me wrong…..DH is one sexy beast, but if our daughter looked like him……she might as well pack everything in now and go butch, or lipstick for that matter. I’d love her just the same…..seriously….she is very pretty and totally cute.

I am most thankful that I was able to go 36 weeks, 4 days, 16 hours and 53 minutes before delivering Pickles Magoo and 54 minutes before delivering Little Bitty.
Both were PLENTY healthy and good sized twins, so I know my baking abilities are more than plentiful that is for sure!
As an added bonus they got my striking good looks, goofy loving nature, and they are the best of DH and I all the way around with smarts, love, good nature, bad tempers, and sensitivity.
I am so blessed with my three gnomes!

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Why the attack on Kate?

I have seen so many blog posts, tabloid covers, snarks, sneers, tweets, talk shows, premieres, and smears that I have to wonder why everyone feels the need to bag on poor Kate Gosselin.

Did she go shit on your front lawn or something? Did she slap you in public? Maybe she spilled your drink? Cutsy in line? Did she tattle on you?

How petty can women really be. Bad enough we have a mom blog war that now we have these women (probably the same war wagers) judging without mercy about how she (Kate) treats her husband, how she raises her children, how she wears her hair, I mean really……is THAT all you have in life is your boring time to judge someone on a reality show? Do you not have better things to do with your time?

I have to say that I love Kate Gosselin. Really I do. Want to know why? Let me tell you.

For one she is a MoM. Not your typical mom, but a real MoM which means she is a Mother of Multiples. MoM women are a different breed, we run our homes a different way, we look at life a little differently, we know the ear shot comments, we know the sneers, jeers, jests, know-it-alls, and “let me tell you how to be a mom” type comments.

I just don’t understand why so many people dislike her, judge her without mercy, and bag on her like she is the biggest pest on Earth.

I love Kate for her time management with those kids. If you have more than 2 children you understand time management. If you have twins or higher order multiples, you really get what I am saying. I love that Kate has some really well behaved children for how many she has. I can barely get my oldest singleton Big G to ask to be excused every night from the dinner table. Although he does have all of his “please,” Thank you,” “Welcome,” and “excuse me” down pat so at least I know I am doing something right.

Seriously, do people think she is just suppose to let her house and her children go? UH NO! Seriously I only have one set of multiples and every day my house is a disaster, I couldn’t imagine TWO sets of multiples, especially higher order multiples. Eight kids is a LOT to clean up after, so I can see her point of view with being so anal.

The husband thing…..I am so there. I made DH watch the show with me……he just kept turning and looking at me like he was watching my twin on TV. Again, when you have more than one or two children, especially, especially multiples your life is completely different. You manage your children….and sometimes your husband……much differently. Sometimes DH gets thrown into the kid mix, not his fault, but when you are managing a home, everyone is an employee, including DH. Parents have to be a united front and if one parent slacks, then the kids know it and FORGET IT!

I do thoroughly enjoy the singleton parents who have a lot of kids. I understand, I hear you. But just because you have kids “really close in age….like having twins”…..yeah that is not like having twins. Having twins or higher order multiples is like having twins or higher order multiples. You have no idea to have two or more infants needing feedings at the same time, two or more infants crying at the same time and figuring which one you pick up first….and then do you let the other cry because you are trying to console one? Yup this happens when you don’t have help, or you are outnumbered like with Jon and Kate.

So mothers of multiples don’t just have “X” amount of children, nope they have all those kids at the SAME TIME. This is NOT the same as having “oh well my kids are like twins because they are close in age.” WRONG. NOT THE SAME. NOT. EVEN. CLOSE.

So I learned to do everything at the same time. I tandem breastfed my kids until I about lost my sanity which was until they were 10 months old. I would solid feed them at the same time with both hands, baths were at the same time, bed times at the same time, naps at the same time. Why all at the same time? Because this is called time management, if you don’t know time management as a mother of multiples you have time FOR NOTHING!

I would really like to know if there are other MoM’s out there who love to watch Kate Gosselin because she makes life feel normal. That her life is a lot like ours, an organized chaos of trying to raise multiples. I would love to hear from my twin or multiple mamas on the whole Kate thing. Because I feel she gets a bad rap and too many people bag on her……why…..so they can feel better about being a bitch themselves I guess. Who knows. I just don’t see the benefit of bagging on a fellow mom….we do what we can with the tools we are given. We learn to evolve with our tools and we evolve from learning other ways of working with our kids and our husbands. I know I have with the grace of my AWESOME therapist “Pat.”

I have to say next time you see a mom of twins, triplets, or any other higher order of multiples just give them a smile. They don’t need your comments of:

“Man I couldn’t imagine.”
We know, that’s why WE have the multiples and you don’t.
“Better you than me.”
Thanks! We know how weak you are which is why the higher power chose US to handle more than One at a time.
“You sure have your hands full.”
You have NO IDEA and you know what? We love every stinking minute of it with all the hugs and kisses.

Just remember that karma sucks. Every Mom does the best she can, even if she is not raising her kids to YOUR standards. I know I am not perfect, nor is Kate, neither is the mom who is passing judgment on Kate and every other mom trying to do the best she can with what she was given.

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Sing Us A Song….

The lyrics are ones that pretty much everyone knows. At least I hope you know the lyrics and tune to the ever famous Billy Joel song “Piano Man”. Billy Joel is by far one of my favorite artists, as I have so many.

Seems my youngest son has joined me in my love for Billy Joel. The soothing sounds of the ivory keys on the piano seem to set him at ease……or maybe the sound of Billy’s voice touches his soul, I am not quite sure.

One day while driving on the freeway with Pickles Magoo fussing I tried everything from the Binky, a blanket, a bottle, you name it I tried it and the poor boy wouldn’t quit. So I couldn’t handle the screaming and thought I would turn on the music and turn the volume up a little louder to help drown the crying. (I know…bad mommy….but we have all been there at least once) Little did I know that the musical genius permeating from my speakers would put the boy in a DEAD SILENCE!

“Scenes from an Italian restaurant” came through the speakers and the Pickles Magoo was hypnotized! No one believed me….and I mean no one! Until one day when my mother was riding in the car with me on our way home from Sun City that she became a believer. (Cue Monkeez music…HA HA) Since those moments I have been trying to capture the elusive actions of Pickles Magoo as he is a fuss budget and then suddenly is in the trance of the Piano Man himself. The best I could do was the other day on our way home from our trip to Costco. Unfortunately the picture from my cell phone is less than desirable, but from my perspective you can see Pickles Magoo fighting the inevitable sleep creeping in and just seconds before I turned on the camera and the radio he was screaming as if someone was pulling him limb from limb. Enjoy what you can see…and hear of the Piano Man.

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Multiple Question…..and Multiple Answer

An outing in public with twins is always an interesting ordeal. I mean the whole thing is an urban safari with all the miscellaneous gear and crap you have to take…..ridiculous! But the best part…is having fun with those who are the poor souls who do not have multiples and have deer in the headlights when they see you and they ask you these “Here’s your sign” questions:

My all time favorite and most asked

Q: Are they twins?
A: Nope. I thought the other one in the nursery was so cute I had to take it home.

Q: Oh…..a boy and a girl?
A: Nope, my other son felt like wearing a lot of pink today with that cute bow on his head.

Q: Oh, you must have your hands full?
A: Nope…you see my entourage of help….I got it covered. (As I am looking aimlessly behind myself, like can you see that there is no one else around)

Q: Do twins run in your family?
A: Nope, hubby and I made the decision to go get a turkey baster and see how many we get.
(Yes they do….and Nun ya!)

Q: How far apart are they?
A: Um…like a minute? (WTF really?)

Q: Are they yours?
A: Nope I got them from the “Twins” outlet and thought I would stroll them around for the day and see how I liked them. (again….WTF?)

Q: Are you getting any sleep?
A: (crickets)

Q: Are they identical?
A: (crickets…do they not see the blue and pink?)
The best part about that question is that I had an “identical” twin ask me that…I about fell over.

Q: Can you tell the difference?
A: (I badly want to answer…between a moron and a smart person?) Yes

Q: Can you tell which one is crying?
A: Generally the one with their mouth open. I can tell the difference between each of their cries…that’s easy.

Q: Oh, you must be so busy?
A: Nope that is why I am running through here and you stopped my beeline…because I am soooo not busy.

Q: How do you do it?
A: (I answer honestly) I don’t know…I just do…you can’t stop and think about it.

Q: (The bold) Did you gain a lot of weight?
A: I smile, want to give the bird and walk away.

Q: Are these your first?
A: (As I am yelling at G to quit climbing on things and he responds telling me ‘No Momma’) I smile

Q: Are you done?
A: Um…yeah like two kids ago I was done.

Q: Are they good?
A: Dunno…haven’t thrown them on the grill yet. Oh you mean the kids……

Last but not least….my all all time high and favorite thing to say to me about twins and so not an original…………………………………………………………………………….

I’M SURE GLAD IT IS YOU AND NOT ME.

With that I want to say a big F*#% You and have a great day! I was told that if you don’t have anything nice to say…….don’t say anything at all.

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The Twin Side of Life

So we all know twins are tough:

Double feedings
Double Diaper Changes
Double the Crying
Double the Trouble

DOUBLE EVERYTHING!!

But on top of that is getting to the double everything. What everyone, including myself, seems to forget is how fragile a pregnancy can be, let alone a twin pregnancy. A twin pregnancy is double the eating, double the worrying, double the “take it easy”. Some things however are even more double. Twins are like this: di-zygotic and mono-zygotic….I know I lost you. But to a MOM (Mother of Multiples) you know exactly what I am talking about and the difference this makes to your twins. My kids were di-zygotic in that they each had their own pod and their own placenta, where my previous twins that Chad and I lost in 2005 were mono-zygotic where they shared the same pod and probably the same placenta and they were transfusing blood to one another. This sucks!
So on the other side of twin life, when we heard our friends Mr. and Mrs. Jason Palmer were having twins we both laughed in joy (since they told us we were screwed and we laughed at their karma). But our joy has now turned to concern and unstoppable and unending prayer for these two folks who told us that their twins are mono-zygotic (and probably 99% identical). On Tuesday, Jason (a dear friend of Chad’s who he worked with @ Smith) told us that Baby B isn’t looking so good by the ultrasound and that they had two options:
1. Take it week by week to see how he does and then take them out at Week 28 to save them
2. Clamp off Baby B to save Baby A.

As a parent you know that you cannot choose one child over another and that you would gladly take their place. For these folks, they are in an awful waiting game and told Chad:

“There is really nothing we can do.”

I beg to differ! I am asking any and all of you who read this blog to please say a prayer for Jason and his wife, that their twins beat the doctors prognosis and that they get to enjoy these two beautiful gifts that they have been given, that all will be alright, and then they get to complain to us all that Chad and I know as parents of multiples.

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annndddd……THEY’RE OFF!!!

Well not totally…..but one of them is, the squids that is. We are officially mobile! While she has been mobile for about a month now, I have not be able to capture on film until recently this exciting moment.

I warn you……watch with extreme caution……