An outing in public with twins is always an interesting ordeal. I mean the whole thing is an urban safari with all the miscellaneous gear and crap you have to take…..ridiculous! But the best part…is having fun with those who are the poor souls who do not have multiples and have deer in the headlights when they see you and they ask you these “Here’s your sign” questions:
My all time favorite and most asked
Q: Are they twins?
A: Nope. I thought the other one in the nursery was so cute I had to take it home.
Q: Oh…..a boy and a girl?
A: Nope, my other son felt like wearing a lot of pink today with that cute bow on his head.
Q: Oh, you must have your hands full?
A: Nope…you see my entourage of help….I got it covered. (As I am looking aimlessly behind myself, like can you see that there is no one else around)
Q: Do twins run in your family?
A: Nope, hubby and I made the decision to go get a turkey baster and see how many we get.
(Yes they do….and Nun ya!)
Q: How far apart are they?
A: Um…like a minute? (WTF really?)
Q: Are they yours?
A: Nope I got them from the “Twins” outlet and thought I would stroll them around for the day and see how I liked them. (again….WTF?)
Q: Are you getting any sleep?
A: (crickets)
Q: Are they identical?
A: (crickets…do they not see the blue and pink?)
The best part about that question is that I had an “identical” twin ask me that…I about fell over.
Q: Can you tell the difference?
A: (I badly want to answer…between a moron and a smart person?) Yes
Q: Can you tell which one is crying?
A: Generally the one with their mouth open. I can tell the difference between each of their cries…that’s easy.
Q: Oh, you must be so busy?
A: Nope that is why I am running through here and you stopped my beeline…because I am soooo not busy.
Q: How do you do it?
A: (I answer honestly) I don’t know…I just do…you can’t stop and think about it.
Q: (The bold) Did you gain a lot of weight?
A: I smile, want to give the bird and walk away.
Q: Are these your first?
A: (As I am yelling at G to quit climbing on things and he responds telling me ‘No Momma’) I smile
Q: Are you done?
A: Um…yeah like two kids ago I was done.
Q: Are they good?
A: Dunno…haven’t thrown them on the grill yet. Oh you mean the kids……
Last but not least….my all all time high and favorite thing to say to me about twins and so not an original…………………………………………………………………………….
I’M SURE GLAD IT IS YOU AND NOT ME.
With that I want to say a big F*#% You and have a great day! I was told that if you don’t have anything nice to say…….don’t say anything at all.