Tag: raising kids

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Refrigerator Friends and Facebook Friends

truth hurts, friends, refrigerator friends, facebook friends

They are the “aunt” and “uncle” to your kids but these people really aren’t your sibling(s); they are so much a part of your family your kids know them as Uncle So-and-So or Aunt Whats-Her-Name. The type of friends that come to your house, unannounced, they open the door to let themselves in, holler down the hall to make sure you are decent and then proceed to the kitchen to open the refrigerator to help themselves. These age old, lifelong people are known as our refrigerator friends. On the other spectrum we have another demographic of “friends.” People that comment on every post, like every happening, know exactly what is going on virtually in our real life. They text, email and instant message and we always manage to stay connected, these are our Facebook friends. Continue reading “Refrigerator Friends and Facebook Friends”

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Unapologetic me

One morning I sat in my Jeep and sobbed, I sobbed until nothing was left as I gasped for air and felt like my chest was being wrung by a medieval rack. Emotions completely dislocated from my body and exhausted from the torment. That is the day I realized how much I hated apologies. I found myself retching in oppression because I could no longer be unapologetic. I struggled to just be myself.

The Chad watched me as I sobbed, helpless to carry my burden. The burden of sheer and total brokenness. The girl with an untamed spirit. The blond haired girl with wild ideas of making the world a better place, snake bitten wit and selflessness only assigned to saints. All broken. Continue reading “Unapologetic me”

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Wisdom of Youth

smart kids, kids of the future, teenagers, learning from teens

“Respect your elders” my mother used to always tell me. Then I watched as the elders, elderly, and the older than me would disrespect me and what I had to say. As if my point of view and intellect carried any less weight as a human than theirs. Sure, they have walked the earth for some time, but does that qualify them for some hierarchy of respect that is given and not earned? Continue reading “Wisdom of Youth”

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They Said It’s a Calling but They Called Me

I have done many eccentrically brave (or daft) actions in my life. All of these actions called to me at some point, I heard them, they spoke to me, so I answered without hesitation. My first tattoo as an adult, a declaration that I am me, symbolizing my adulthood, independence and personality. Moving out of my parents home, heeding the call of the wild world, jumping feet first into the business instead of college. Still a teen (an adult child of sorts), I became the boss to a gaggle of man-children in business….see mom, being bossy paid off, leadership skills. Continue reading “They Said It’s a Calling but They Called Me”

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Confessions of a Prodigal Son

Life is about creating a story. The story we write or create is based on the decisions we make banded together with His story. So often we think we have total and ultimate control over our decisions and to some degree we do. Often we are allowed the opportunity to live our life a certain way, where our Father allows us to learn the hard lessons in life, sometimes painful, challenging and can reveal the worst parts of ourselves. Continue reading “Confessions of a Prodigal Son”

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Has Social Media Become Anti Social Media

A friend of mine posted the other day about how Facebook has turned into a feed of others posting videos they have seen and no longer a forum for conversation. His comment was profound to say the least.

“Do people still actually post things here or is just a forum to share videos you found on the internet?”

Our social media venues have become more of the anti social media as we fail to engage one another. Social media (Facebook, Twitter, Instagram) seem to have transformed into venues of mental masturbation to help pass the minutes as we exercise, exercise bowel movements and or exercise our lack of effort into our careers and selves.

Many a late nights I used to delve into Twitter and Facebook. Twitter especially, as I engaged on many a conversations, albeit some superficial “mom talk,” as my twins were much younger and I found an online community of other women who had the same subscription of life. Bantering, high level disagreements and even some catty non-sense. However, the result was all the same. Conversation.

Today I see Twitter as a monologue, at best. Almost like a telemarketing convention where all of the sellers are dialing out to potential consumers with their tweets in hopes someone will buy their sales pitch. I was saddened to see my own church guilty of the same actions. Services were provided with a hashtag to “join the conversation.” Really? Who would we be conversing with? Other members I suppose, but I found that to be very anti social as well with other members tweeting, never actually engaging in a dialogue.

Facebook has transformed itself into much of the same fashion…coupled with the sisterhood of Instagram. Timelines are littered with selfies and no longer original and or beautiful content. I have watched these two venues turn into a cesspool of narcissism interlaced into being “social.” Social would be how many likes you received for your newest photo and nothing really ever of a conversation.

Have we let our new technology and new forms of communication dilute, if not totally eliminate, any true forms of communication or dialogue? Or is this the way we communicate now these days with pictures, videos, selfies and emoticons? How do we begin to converse with one another again?

With advancements of technology and forms of communication have we catapulted ourselves into the age of anti social media? Recalling an email I received from my dad about 10 years ago, he provided me his new phone number when he was living in Iowa and said, “text me if you want to talk.” I replied and guffawed at such a request, “I don’t text Dad.” Was I flippant, naive, optimistic that communication would remain status-quo? Maybe a combination of all three, never in my wildest dreams would I consider communicating with my parents, let alone my friends in such a fashion. Never would I have imagined creating a blog when just six months pregnant to detail the chronology of my twins in utero, their lives thereafter, our lives in their entirety as a collective over the past eight years.

I suppose since our lives are so busy, social media helps to keep us abreast of all of friends goings-on. Maybe we help show them our interests with the different shares and social likes through Facebook and Twitter. Social media has helped us connect with one another instantly and receive updates on breaking events in the blink of an eye as opposed to waiting for the following day or the late evening newscast. Yet, we seem to be more anti social because we have updates so frequently, so immediate that we can even sever friendships with the click of a button, block the information we receive, filter our lives to seem, feel and look perfect.

Have these “social” venues created an opportunity of anti social behavior?

Social media has allowed us to avoid having meaningful and legitimate dialogues with the click of a button, removing people from our lives when conversations become crucial. While we can connect immediately, we can disconnect just as easily. As opposed to having a healthy dialogue, we just shut the conversation down with block, delete, un-follow, unlike. We can avoid sharing how our lives are imperfect by sharing some of the best photos of the day when the picture behind the camera would suggest normal humanity, beautifully broken. Suddenly we have keyboard muscles that we exert as our form of exercise, because to exercise our mental capacity to accept diversity that something is less than perfect or a comment is less than favorable we remove the threat. Our behavior on social media is dramatically different that in person, acting as if we lack any inhibition to hurting another because we may not actually have real life interaction with people.

Have you found yourself in the vortex of anti social media? Have you found you are only sharing videos and other posts and never really engaging in real, healthy conversations or dialogues? Has your social media become a monologue and not a dialogue?

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Spring Break and SwimSpray

March is a time for kids (and teachers) to take that mental break before the end of school. Teachers are feverishly cramming information into their little brains and you can tell they need just a week (or two) reprieve to get back into the swing. Most of us will be taking our kids on holiday to enjoy tropical, exotic or maybe even home locations to take in a much needed break. One thing I like to keep in my arsenal of goodies for spring break is prevention treatment for swimmers hair for my little blondies with SwimSpray.

What I love about SwimSpray is that the ingredients are all natural. Not like the “all natural” we have all read about, but truly a blend of natural ingredients found from our favorite summertime fruit. A convenient little bottle of citrus without the smell of citrus. Some of you may have loved the days of old with lemon juice to remove the chlorine from  your hair, as a blond and spending many a summers poolside and with swimmers hair, lemon juice was my bane. Neck cricked over, towel on my head and constantly showering off. Knowing how much I did not enjoy this past time I surely will not inflict this on my children.

SwimSpray is just that. A spray of a blend of vitamin C and water. No harsh chemicals. No harsh smells. No drying out your hair and or your skin. Absolutely safe to use on your skin to get the drying and damaging effects of chlorine out of your pores. You can even use SwimSpray on your swimsuit to prolong the life and remove the chlorine and the chlorine smell.

SwimSpray comes in a four ounce bottle spray so it is super convenient to pack in your carry-on and small enough for even the most independent of little hands to use on themselves. Be sure to prevent spraying in the eyes and always supervise children when using this product.

Enjoy your Spring Break and summer, free of the harsh effects of chlorine with SwimSpray. Just spray  on after swimming and wash as usual. SwimSpray is available online at SwimSpray.com, local swim shops, swim schools and other authorized retailers.

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First Bites: Superfoods for Babies and Toddlers

Food is such an integral part of our lives. As a conversation piece, comfort and of course sustenance. For new moms, feeding your infant and or toddler can be worrisome, frustrating and concerning. Am I giving them enough options? Am I feeding them the right foods? Should I feed them these foods? When I had my twins I threw the traditional thoughts out the window and gave them everything. Brussels Sprouts were my favorite when they were teething, as were apples, bell peppers, the whole gamut of different fruits and vegetables. From the time they could sit up unassisted and gnaw on foods, I experimented on them. With G-man I was more concerned on being the perfect mom, giving him the “right” foods and never rocking the boat. I wish I had this book with my oldest, First Bites: Superfoods for Babies and Toddlers, so I had some sort of compass and guide to tackle simple struggles like picky eating.

Picky Eaters

I’ve been interviewing experts about dealing with picky eaters for years and there are times when all that I have learned goes out the window! Do your best and when all else fails, take a deep breath and let it go. Don’t get up and make something different, let your child take ownership and decide not to eat, they won’t starve to death if they skip dinner one night. Allow them to have some of the control, it will empower them believe it or not they will (almost always) come around.

first bitesTry to:

  • Lead by example—parents have to be willing to eat and try things too
  • Offer a combination of foods your child likes along with things that may be a bit outside their comfort zone
  • Have a discussion about where food comes from
  • Get to the farmers’ marker or plant a garden
  • Make mealtime fun—eat, talk, share
  • Prepare meals together

Try not to:

  • Freak out!
  • Get noticeably frustrated
  • Fight over meals
  • Use dessert or other food as a reward
  • Insist that your child eat everything on their plate

(Photo and excerpt from FIRST BITES: Superfoods for Babies and Toddlers with the permission of Perigee/Penguin. Copyright Dana Angelo White, MS, RD, ATC, 2015.)

Today I do one of the “try not to” with my kids, but they are now 7,7 and 12 so having them finish their plate usually consists of did you at least eat all of your vegetables on your plate? When I was growing up I was limited on my exposure to foods, fruits and vegetables. I wasn’t even aware of farmers markets, local farmer co-ops, or the like. At the young age of 17 I was exposed to artichokes and capers. I never looked back. My children were a fraction of my age when they were exposed and that is one of their all time favorite requests, including asparagus, roasted Brussels Sprouts, stuffed bell peppers, bok choy, spinach, mushrooms, onions and kale.

What I found with my oldest is just as Dana suggests, have your kids take ownership. I let my kids rummage through the fridge when they were toddling and we discussed the different fruits and vegetables and I let them try. I also tried. I stock my fridge to this day with an assortment of foods. Such an empowering feeling to have your children try and share and tell others about the foods they like.

Seth defined that moment and humbled me as a parent when at his Boy Scout den meeting he explained the various foods on his plate as part of a nutrition project. Mind you, my little gem is barely six at the time and he explained grilled chicken or salmon as his protein, quinoa or brown rice as his grain, broccoli, Brussels Sprouts, asparagus and green beans (because he clarified those are his favorite) as his veggie, strawberries as his fruit and Gouda was his choice of cheese (dairy) but he also likes almond milk. His dessert, of course, was my gluten free, dairy free, caramel apple cake. Of course, a meal would be incomplete without dessert!

When his den leader and The Chad shared this with me I felt so proud. I felt like we crested a hump. A pressure was relieved regarding the work I put into my kids to ensure they are eating the right foods and are educated about proper nutrition.

However I know I am truly blessed because my children do not lack a food allergy. Many children these days have or develop food allergies which can make meals tricky and tough to navigate, First Bites: Superfoods for Babies and Toddlers helps provide helpful tips and insightful information on how to ensure we as parents are maximizing our children’s diets. The book release and copy could not have come at a better time as a friend from church was experiencing her own frustrations and concerns as a new mom. Her post on Facebook immediately prompted me to provide her with my copy of the book, to give her the tools I wish I had when I was a new mom, the tools I just figured out with having twins. If you are facing some of these struggles: food allergies, picky eaters, maximizing a vegetarian/vegan diet, or food transitions First Bites: Superfoods for Babies and Toddlers should be in your arsenal of tools in the kitchen and your home. First Bites was released on February 3rd and is available nationwide and on Amazon, get your copy today and take the frustration out of navigating meals and foods for your child with amazing meal options and friendly recipes sure to transform even the pickiest of eaters.

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The Power of Prayer

1 chronicles 16:11, Prayer on TheFiveFish.com

Have you ever considered the statement, “You are in my thoughts and prayers.” I have found that this is such a statement of (in)consideration, truly a good majority of people say this as a form of pleasantry and never with intention. I am not quite sure why this irks me, but when people say “you are in my thoughts and prayers” I want to reply, “Am I really or are you just saying that because it sounds heartfelt and reassuring?” What people may not realize is the power of a prayer. To be a pray-er you have a conviction that you believe what you are saying, that there is power on a very human and supernatural level that God and the cosmos will hear your pleas, cries, and requests.

I never understood prayer. Being boldly honest, I was that smug, ass of a human to say, “I’ll pray for you” of which I thought quietly to myself how horrible their situation is and wish it better. I never clasped my hands, closed my eyes and opened my heart to the possibility that God may hear my plea. Albeit I was selfish, only praying for myself when the moment seemed dire or I had tremendous fear: a long road trip, a flight, or any other personal want.

I never understood how to pray. One might think, well you bow your head, close your eyes, clasp your hands, maybe fall to your knees, or raise your hands to the sky and plea to our Almighty to hear our requests. While these are a few forms, to pray means to really believe in your request. You must feel in your heart, soul, in the very fiber of your DNA, that you believe in the request you are asking of your Father. I compare this to my kids asking for something they really want. They come to myself or The Chad, mostly The Chad(…since I have a tendency to say NO…go figure God would be our Father, Dad’s are better about giving us what we ask for) and make their request with the strongest possibility that we will say yes, but they do not expect any let down. They are open to unimaginable possibilities with our answers, that we may offer up a concession to their request in which we have an answer, with a twist.

A year ago I attended a conference on prayer. Before the conference I read a book by the keynote speaker, Mark Batterson called The Circle Maker. Mark heads up a church in Washington, DC and he prayed circles. By circles I mean he would walk the blocks in the area in which he wanted his church to be planted, he walked circles around the lives and neighborhoods he wanted to transform, he walked circles and prayed while making those circles. His continuous efforts meant that he prayed with conviction and specificity for what he was looking to accomplish, by his consistent efforts his prayers were answered. Maybe not how he expected to a tee, but they were answered where needs were met.

His book and conference transformed the way I looked and thought about prayer.

prayer circles on chalk boardI began to journal my prayers. I began to make prayer circles for what were extremely bold, sometimes superficial, requests we had in our lives. What happened next was not as I expected.

Nothing.

Nothing happened. I even became bored after just two short weeks of writing in the journal of these prayers.

I cursed. I was pissed. I wanted to throw in the towel. What in the bloody world would make these prayers come to be? I believed in these prayers. Requests happened for others, why not me? Why wasn’t God listening to what needed to happen, what needed to be fixed, healing ills, healing hearts, completing miracles.

I found I didn’t believe enough in my requests. I wasn’t broken enough. By broken, I was not allowing myself to succumb to the possibility that He could be moving in my life. By broken, I was not allowing for my life to be transformed by faith. Lacking in conviction I tossed aside prayer because quite frankly I wasn’t feeling it. As most do, they don’t feel the stirring that true conviction in prayer can bring. I also lacked the faith that God saw a higher plan for me. (Deuteronomy 29:29)

Take getting fired. Praying with conviction and stirring to find a new job, to escape the confines of my misogynistic boss. My prayer needed to be less about me. So when I began praying to find a job that made me happy, that made a difference in the world because I felt I was destined for something greater for Him and when I prayed for wisdom for the misogynist…

BAM! Prayer answered. Literally. Less than one month into praying for the boss to have wisdom I was fired.

God has a wonderful sense of humor.

We make these bold requests, prayerfully and faithfully expectant that He will eventually answer those prayers. Sometimes what our prayers need is more specificity in seeking answers. Sometimes we fail to remember is that the answers come in His time…

We so desperately want things to happen overnight. We so badly want our circumstances to change that we begin to muddle the situation. Meddling in the fine details and operations that we then change our prayer direction because something broke. So we pray for the broken to be repaired and we pray for those changes in circumstances.  In those moments I found the best action to take is nothing. Do nothing but pray. God likes to let things break to show us that our earthly ways are not working, stop getting in the middle of the plan.

For example after being fired I immediately began looking for another job. Futilely and completely in vain I hunted for months. Broken, depressed and feeling less than worthy, struggling with what felt like impending doom with the holidays and tightened finances. I took to writing again in order to relieve my struggles, coupled with bold prayer. Admittance I was broken both in my posts and my prayer. What happened next was less than extraordinary.

Tithing 10% of my small unemployment and praying. Emails began to roll in for Christmas promotions. A friendship was rekindled that helped me utilize my God given ability to put emotions and thoughts to words, this same friendship encouraged me to begin promoting on my blog for Christmas. In just a few short months leading up to Christmas I was able to stuff my tree with items that were promotional goodies that you see posted on my blog. These items were transformed into gifts for my children. Yielding enough money to pay for all of Christmas, simply because I have a passion for words. A God given gift to write. A heaven sent answer from prayer. What was even more spectacular was The Chad’s bonus that we had not expected had allowed us to help answer one of our children’s prayer circles that they had: quads.

prayer, power in prayerPrayer moved me more than just these superficial moments. At our 24/7 Prayer event that we had this past fall I signed up to pray for two hours. The church does a phenomenal job of providing prayer prompts to guide you through some of our most basic struggles with life and prayer. I attended with zero expectations and opened my heart. Guided to a black curtain station, setup for privacy reasons, I was greeted with the most uncomfortable and life changing of prayer moments.

Forgiveness.

What was suppose to only be about ten minutes of prayer in this station, where I would move on to other stations, resulted in a full 60 minutes of deep, trembling, crying until my eyes hurt, prayer for forgiveness. I prayed for those who had wronged me, forgiving them because I was holding onto the pain for me, I thought I couldn’t forgive them because that would mean they won, so I prayed for forgiveness.  At the close of my session, I prayed for myself. I prayed that all I had done wrong to myself, how my horrible choices inflicted so much pain, the pain I felt just fueled more pain. The one person and event whom I had total control also resulted in being the most damaging at times. Exiting that day after my hour I felt rejuvenated and freed. The bonds of torture no longer applied to me. I let go of my anger. I let go of the pain. I embraced the power of prayer.

updated prayer circles on chalk boardLooking back at those moments in prayer, observing our prayers and prayer circles, a gritty, raw, realization was made. Everything we wanted as a family, as individuals, had to do with passion. We update our prayer circles based on our passion, specificity and knowing that everything happens in time based on His plan.

I prayed for a new job and was fired. I prayed to become a mom and was gifted three amazing children. I prayed to provide for Christmas, tithed and received an abundance to give to my children. Today I pray more than I have ever prayed before because I know that He is listening. He provides me the comfort in taking away the superficial worry of occasions, events and happenings that are out of my control. He provides me guidance in struggle, clarity in uncertainty, resolve in our conversation. Feeling a conviction that sweeps over you with chills, that makes your very being tremble and shudder is powerful and brings us to our knees in joy and thanksgiving. Take the discomfort out of the thought of prayer by finding comfort in prayer. Believe it, feel it, and see what happens next. Stop using prayer as a conversational consideration but as consideration for conversation.