When Mothers Day Sucks

Many moons ago I wrote this angry post about Mother’s Day and how horribly it sucked. I was a terrible communicator back then, my writing was uber raw, so my well intentions to support mothers in an everyday fashion went awry. I have since modified that post and felt it needed a revival from the years ago about why Mothers Day sucks.

Mother’s Day has become a highly celebrated Hallmark holiday. I struggle to honor the holiday, not for the fact that my mother (or any mother for that matter) doesn’t deserve recognition, but that our society places such an accomplishment on motherhood. Our value as women is weighted heavily on our ability to create and deliver life to this world. Why? We (women exclusively) have even gone as far as to separate mothers into value brackets of vaginal or caesarian delivery, you are higher in the imaginary caste system based on vaginal delivery versus caesarian. Sickening. Who makes these rules and echelons? Why do I, or any other one for that matter, have to fit into a specification? What happens when I belong to both or neither?

The invisible competition has me dumbfounded. I cannot fathom the imaginary contest women are in against themselves as a species and especially as mothers. Suddenly we are placed into value brackets like the Sweet 16 of have’s and have not’s. The thought is truly saddening that we do not show each other more grace and love to support one another as individuals. We celebrate selfishly, to some degree rightfully so, but why separate ourselves. What would happen if we are to celebrate Mother’s Day, celebrate quietly? Maybe celebrate with more purpose and in this fashion as I mentioned six years ago:

I think Mother’s Day should be everyday, why have one special day to celebrate all that makes a Mom, Mom. I tell my Mom almost everyday how much I love her and she knows by my own accomplishments as an individual that she had some part in my actions and where I am today. So Hallmark, to HELL with your effing holiday, everyday should be mother’s day. Be sure to tell the Mom’s in your life and all the Mom’s you know how special they are everyday, and show a bit of gratitude for the hard work we Mama’s do all the time.

I watched this year like a spectator as many of my friends posted their children’s cards, artwork, hodgepodges and hand-made knickknacks on their social streams. This is one year I have opted not to boast in this day, possibly because I understand loss, pain, hurt and inadequacy. I never wanted my lady friends to feel out of place if they long for children, miss their child, miss their mom and or missed having a mother and or child present in their life due to dysfunctional circumstances. Mother’s Day can be a very painful day and I didn’t want to add to an even more difficult day.

How do the other half live? You know, the childless, the motherless, the barren, the “less” if we are measuring accomplishments or lack thereof. As a whole, we forget those women who are left to mourn the loss of their mother, whether recent or distant, whether by death or by the other party’s choice. The women who mourn the loss of a child, their defining and crowning glory of annual celebration, is now a gaping void of strangling heartache. The women who mourn the inability to bear children, now, and or ever.  The women who desperately want a family. So while some are pretending to enjoy their eggs over easy with flowers stolen from the neighbors yard or a husband who ran to the store first thing, others are quietly mourning, raging in anger, sadness, or pain.

For the ladies who experienced this Mother’s Day mourning their mother, their child, their dream of a child, their broken dreams for a child, know you are loved. You are valued. You are unique. Our achievements and accomplishments should not be quantified on our ability to bear children, have a child in our lives to call our own.

Many women are the strongest mother figures I know and do not have children of their own (adopted) and or do not have children at all. I watch as they give all their love, share their amazing gifts in this life to children and adults alike. Some of my best and closest friends and family do not have children, but are the most amazing “mother” types. They love unconditionally and without stipulations, they teach with logic and understanding, they give, give, give and never ask for anything in return. I have watched them guide people and lift others in the most powerful ways that we could only want to learn their talents.

While Mother’s Day should be to celebrate moms, the day is not always a celebration. Not every woman has a mother in their life to celebrate presently. Not every woman has a child to celebrate their motherhood. Not every woman is a mother. What every woman has, individuality and beauty. Women are to be celebrated in every way shape or form. Women have a motherly instinct or drive regardless if they have reared children or not. I have watched women birth children, art, ideas, love, friendship and movements the impact people on a grand scale. Women are beautiful, strong, intelligent and should never feel inferior based on whether they have birthed a child of their womb or not.

I am sorry to those who have lost a mother or child. I am sorry to those who are lost. I am sorry Mothers Day sucks. Please do not ever let that day determine your worth, your beauty, your contribution to our world, whether big or small. Do not let society determine your ability, value, or contribution to this world on whether you are a mother or not. We are all mothers in some divine right.