For the last four years to be exact I have been blessed with the opportunity to be with my child and then with my children at home. Watching them grow, watching my belly grow, and then watching as I delivered two more people into our home who have brought that much more joy.
I watched as Grant was transformed from a troublesome, often busy, and quite the handful toddler into a mellow, funny, loving, infectious to be around little boy. At first I dreaded the thought of staying home with him. I would be the entertainment, the playmate, the food handler, everything I had PAID someone else to do for me while I worked. While I enjoyed my time as a singular individual working in a professional office with professional attire, having professional conversations.
Dear God, I would now be the (dun dun dun) “stay at home mom.”
*Gasp! I cannot do this, I would not do this. Granted, sleeping in would be freaking fabulous. But what do I know about potty training my oldest and only child at the time, keeping him on a schedule, snacks, ABC’s, 123’s, what the shit was I thinking when I said, “Oh sure I can stay at home and work at home at my leisure.” I must have been on crack.
But I managed. I kicked the ass of my prima donna self, learned that wearing jeans everyday and a t-shirt (well, a hot fitted, not your average stay at home mom t-shirt) would be fine. I also managed to teach my boy Spanish along with his colors, alphabet, numbers and the “F” bomb that he would drop once while taunting some sixth graders. Yeah, that in and of itself is a blog post. However, I managed to be a stay at home mom juggling my son and maintaining a near perfect home.
Until we agreed to have another child.
What the hell am I thinking with these grandioso ideas? Oh right, we planned on trying to conceive ONE child, not a TWO in ONE deal. Silly Karie, twins are for…other parents. Again I was blessed. I continued to nurture and grow my bond with Grant and I nurtured and grew my surprise of a pregnancy.Â The dynamic in my home was changing again and now with The Chad working out of the house EVERYTHING was really changing.
The birth of the twins brought new challenges, drawbacks, pitfalls, enjoyment, and moments of hiding in the closet to cry. I never wished for anything in my life to be different. Knowing I was the only one in my family with the courage, sanity, and strength to tackle motherhood in such a unique fashion. I fully embraced the embodiment of what motherhood is as a job, as a joy, as a frustration.
Especially now as I am standing on the edge of a dawn of a new chapter in life. So much has happened in such a short time with bidding a sorrowful goodbye to child rearing today The Chad goes in for his vasectomy. A bittersweet moment brushed over me as I knew I would never smell a new baby born from my womb. My moments of motherhood frozen in time with photos and my impeccably solid memory (like an elephant really) will forever cherish those once in a lifetime moments.
Yesterday I received a call that changed everything. While I had not been looking for a job, since I have the unique opportunity of working from home, as I wish, generating income whenever I want, I had submitted by resume for shits and grins. Not hearing anything for months except for the typical “Come sell insurance” scams, I all but abandoned any idea of working out of the house and was pleased with feeling rejected. For once in my life!
Until I received the call offering me an unbelievable position with an even more unbelievable company that offers health insurance for our family that currently LACKS healthcare coverage. I would have a 401k again, lunches undisturbed, adult conversation, professional conversation, time out of the house and moreso than just a trip to Whole Foods and Costco.
But then I sobbed. I sobbed alone in my kitchen, in my bathroom, on my couch. I am still sobbing. Bawling like a baby, weeping the death of a life I felt so tragic to live. Who the hell wants to be a stay at home mom anyway. I did, I do. I held my composure long enough yesterday to visit a pre-school and childcare center the twins will attend and Grant will attend in the summer for summer camp. The twins were glass eyed and eager to see other gnomes, playmates, a new environment for their budding social personalities. I saw a germ infested, non-organic, styro-foam cup using facility that made my OCD cringe.
However, I know, and knew, in my heart that the twins will be fine. The facility is less than two blocks from our home, the staff is kind and loving, and the job I am offered and have agreed to take will yield money for our family that we need to provide the best for our kids. Even if only for a few years, which by that time the twins will be school age and yet another milestone in their life.
So with a heavy heart I take my fabulous new opportunity and bid farewell to the opportunity I so dreaded just four short years ago. I know this is best for my family, for our finances, and for my sanity, but ever so heavy on my heart. Goodbye to being a stay at home mom.
15 Replies to “Goodbye Stay At Home Mom”
Congratulations, hon. It’s a new chapter in your life. I was just here hoping, praying, wishing for a job. Hubby is feeling a huge burden being man of the house- it’s tough with all of the bills we have. So, in short, I’m happy for you. Things are gonna work out!
I wish you much happiness on your new chapter in life. Its never easy as a Mom to let the children go, to have someone else take care of them during the day. Just wait till their in high school and making plans for the future on their own.
Um can I comment on those legs. DOOD! HAWT!
I remember the pain of sending the twins to preschool when they were 3 1/2. The shift from staying at home to working is so hard, even though I wanted it desperately. I feel your joy and your pain with you!
Congrats on a milestone in YOUR life. Mine was less than 3 yrs ago – and the Chicklets were 9 yrs old – enjoy your new persona 🙂
Congrats on the amazing job. I know it means you won’t see the babes every waking moment, but it will make the moments at home with them even more cherished. Kisses will be sweeter, hugs more infectious. I also know you will probably be dog tired and want to get in as much Fam time as possible so you will be away from here more. I’ll be waiting with bated breath for every post now for sure! Hugs goob!
Congrats on the new job! Exciting changes – scary but exciting. Whatever you do, you’re going to rock it. The kiddies will be fine and you at least won’t be wiping butts and noses all day. 🙂
Cograts and never worry …lots of momas work and raise super awesome babies and I am sure you will too =) good luck with the new venture!
Take it for what it is love.. A new chapter in your life.. a new adventure! I’m a strong believer that are kids are only as happy as we are so as long as your confident in your decision your babes will be as well.
Much love my dear and don’t forget us small people when you big and corporate.. 🙂
Aw, wow. Congratulations on your amazing new opportunity Karie! Seriously, that is something to celebrate in a very bad economic situation-Although I understand the hard transition from stay-at-home-mum to working mum (kinda at least).
Knowing you, your going to kick some workplace ass when you start 😀
Just remember to breath and take things as they come!
Congrats on the new job! Life is a series of changes someone thought it was time for a change for you. I know you will do well and twins will enjoy their new found friends. You better post or tweet now and then cause I am gonna miss having you around too!
Congrats again, I am happy you got the job!
WOW! Congratulations mama! That is awesome for you!
That is fabulous.
I went back to work for half a year until my chronic pain issues got bad enough to stop me working. I was a cook and I loved it, while hating it. It was wonderful to, just as you said, have all the adult things that come with leaving the house. My own paycheque, while nothing to write home about… was something that made me feel good.
Now that working isn’t really an option, I agonize over all the days I sat on the edge of the bed and fought off the urge to call in sick…
And the guilt, that as a low income family we could possibly be making things so much easier with another income. The strain it would take off of us.
But the reality is that that’s not reality. And I’ll never regret spending the time with my kid. Just like you’ll never regret spending these last years with yours. I don’t think you’ll regret making this choice ever, either. Just the end of an era to begin a new one. In which you can be both Mother and Woman.
Congratulations on the new job. I know that the transition will be tough, but I bet you will thrive and so will your kiddos.
Congratulations dear! You are already more excited about this new life than nervous and I know that it will bring for you so many good things to make up for those that you feel you are losing xoxo