Lately I admit I have had no desire to write, blog, share. PERIOD. When the sudden change of life events happened I haven’t even had a chance to digest my options, weigh pros and cons, the event horizon landed and now I am left to deal with my spinning.
I talked with my sister the other day (GASP, I know…we may fight but she’s still my sister) and we both agreed on one thing (GASP…I know, we agreed) which is we could shut our blogs down and say “Who gives a fuck.” Because really that is who I am. Â I came to the conclusion that my writing has been driven based on what my audience wants to read, what would be “PG blog material” for PR or whomever. Why do I give a shit about that? I DON’T!
My life is NOT DEFINED by my blog, my blog defines my life.
My writings talk about my feelings, my life, how my life is like everyone else. Struggling to sometimes get through the day feeling unappreciated, alone, at times feeling unloved with the effort and hard work we put into our homes, working an ever thankless job that is glorified to be some great fucking experience. Not everyday is a picnic.
Granted, motherhood has MOMENTS that are to be cherished. When Grant told me when I was 6 months pregnant with the twins and as huge as a house and we went to a wedding, he told me how I looked like a princess. I melted. When the twins told me for the first time “Lub yoo,” I got teary eyed. But other moments and days are robotic, insane, going through the motions of day-to-day. Seriously, we can take a licking and keep on ticking.
I also began to ponder how asinine the parent-child relationship is defined. I mean, our children can hit us with no repercussion but if we spank them, child services is banging on our door calling us “abusers.” Do you see the insanity? I am not suggesting we go wail on our children, but come on, the suggestion just screams what the shit. Â I digress. Back to my rant.
Someday’s I find I would rather not blog. Being a mother of twins is challenging. To say the least. Sharing how dealing with two toddlers wears away at every inch of you brings on nay-sayers about “Well I have two toddlers…and they aren’t twins….I can do it.” Good for fucking you. When you deliver two at the same time either through your vagina or an intricately cut incision into your perfectly uncut skin, then let’s talk. It’s not a damn competition…
And that’s where I find myself lacking motivation. The constant judgment of you are only as good a mother as you share on your blog. You are only as good as your blog. I can’t access your blog, blah blah fuckity blah. Let me say this again:
MY. LIFE. IS. NOT. DEFINED. BY. MY. BLOG. MY. LIFE. IS. DEFINED. ON. MY. BLOG.
Which leads me to the fact that if you don’t like that I drop the “f” bomb, don’t read it. I try to limit my use, but why? It’s my blog, these are the feelings and thoughts in my head and really, I use the work fuck as a proposition, noun, verb, adjective, hell, even as a conjunction in my sentences when I talk at home. *GASP and yes….in front of my children. I would rather they hear the word from me than from Billy down the street, then I only have myself to blame for my child telling sixth graders they are “fuckers” and throwing rocks at them in a taunting fashion.
So I beg the question, why worry so much about what other people think? About the language
used? Because Barbara Bible-thumping Bozo doesn’t like it? Well go pray for me Barbara. Because some Linda says I won’t get opportunity. Cry me a FUCKING river Linda and write some letter in your basement, since opportunity does not motivate me to write. Or my audience does not appreciate what I am writing about….the fact that my kids do not shit rainbows and sunshine, singing like harmonic angels, and I with my perfect hair…I am just missing some pearls to top off the air of perfection right?
Get the hell outta here. I find that my audience is not who they used to be anymore if in fact my audience even exists. Well, Ellen I know you are reading this, so big hugs to you woman. I am finding I am sick of being like everyone else and their damned canned sunshine, or no, sorry, bottle of sunshine with Xanax or whatever fucking concoction your doctor prescribed with this medicated mommies bullshit. Really? You are proud to be hyped up as a way to deal? Shit…then by all means blog. I have no bottle of hype, I have no medication. However, I have great stories, I have great experiences, I have lots to share that have not been touched on because God, Allah, Buddha, Higher Power, forbid I offend, scare, or not play by the rules. Heaven forbid I admit that some days my life feels like a pile of shit and the people who are my friends abuse my kindness. That some days I want to blog about how my husband could do me the fucking favor of putting the butter knife used to make his sandwich in the dishwasher that is three feet away, rather than leaving it on the counter for HOURS. Other days I want to scream about how my twins are Tasmanian devils when they float from room to room making messes and I wish they would just sit and play with me because I won’t be able to do that later in life with them. Why I do care about these blogging rules and playing by them. I never played by them in real life. So why should I play by the rules now?
We swear too. Admittedly it’s gone DOWN a bit because of repetition from Abby, but the proof was kind of in the pudding with an exchange about AC/DC. I had told her that they were powerful words, but that they were grown up words, and that grown ups can use them because (most of the time) we have what is called “DISCRETION”.
So that beautiful little three year old heard AC/DC come on the radio and she looks at me, “Mommy… can I say stupid?”
“Sure. Abby.”
“This song is STUPID.”
As for your blog being yours and yours alone…. I miss you when you don’t write. It crossed my mind that when you got this new job.. we’d see you less. And that does make me sad.
But it makes me sadder thinking that you feel like you have to censor youself for the people who visit you.
Fuck it.
Scream loud and proud that the twins are taz devils. That you have the anti-cleaner walking around behind you at all times.
You deserve to have a supportive network of women/men and readers behind you.
And the knowledge that they’ll be there tomorrow too.
<3
I'll read whatever you have to say. Friendship isn't always pretty.
So if you don't want to blog it… Email it someplace. But everyone needs an outlet.
And that's why I write. 😀
I love it! I love your honesty here! I dont think you should cater to your audience. Your audience should cater to you! Its your life. You started a blog to vent, brag and bitch! So did I and as of yet I have held back on the bitching but I really dont want to I just dont want to offend anyone! After reading this I am wondering Why! I like your fuck off attitude! You rock and way to go Kudos to you!
HA HA Jennifer….you know I did the same thing. I was worried about offending…but why? Because I have a different parenting style? No one is perfect…no matter how hard we try and no use in judging parents and other mothers for difference in opinion and style. Read and comment or read and leave. Some people though feel some URGE to stay and say…”Well….this is the WAY I do it” eh…piss off asshole. 😉
*STANDING OVATION* No one is perfect, no matter how hard they play at being a Stepford Wife. Truth be know, the blogosphere is probably more like Peyton Place.
Be REAL. Be YOU. Because you are funny. And if people don’t like it, they can click off.
I fucking love you!!
Couldn’t have said it better. You rock!
Different link here.
If THIS person is available for an interview for my fledgling site Say Anything, I’d be honored.
I farkin’ lurve yew.
I think this is what makes you wonderful, Karie. Your ability to cut the bullshit, be yourself with no apologies.
I don’t think I apologize often….if at all. 😉
I totally agree. My life isn’t defined by my blog. My blog just shares my life. Always will, always has.
Ohmigosh you actually talked to your sister. Linda go create a document to capture this moment, and Barbara go pray for her.
I love you because you drop the F bomb… well that and your boobs. ;-P
I love you Steph! I would love to meet you and bewbie squeeze!
Karie, I love it when you take out the can of whup-ass and get all uncensored on us. I can’t speak for anyone else, but THAT is what I love most about your blog. The fact that it is written by you – the REAL you. A REAL person, parent, wife. I’ll take that over any cookie cutter, little mrs perfect any moment on any given day. Coming from someone who doesn’t blow sunshine up anyone’s ass – I love, love, LOVED it when I finally realized I had a partner in crime and a sistasolematebloggingfriend the moment I found you.
To break out the Billy Joel…
“Don’t go changing to try and please me,
You never let me down before.
And don’t imagine you’re too familiar,
And I don’t see you anymore.
I would not leave you in times of trouble,
We never could have come this far.
I took the good times, I’ll take the bad times,
I take you just the way you are.
I need to know that you will always be,
The same old someone that I knew.
Ah, what will it take till you believe in me,
The way that I believe in you?
I said I love you and that’s forever,
And this I promise from the heart.
I could not love you any better,
I love you just the way you are.
I don’t want clever conversation,
I never want to work that hard.
I just want someone that I can talk to,
I want you just the way you are.”
Love ya, Karie!
LOL Jenine you make me giggle and cry with those lyrics…I LURVE Billy Joel! Yeah I am definitely not a “blow smoke or sunshine” up anyone’s ass type of person
I know I’m a fairly new reader to your blog, but good for you! I felt the emotion and feeling in that post – the real you! I would much rather read about real life than everything always coming up roses. I hope you don’t give up blogging and instead write in your real voice for yourself. I think you would find you gain readers by being honest and not perfect. Easier said then done, though I know.
I hate it when my husband leaves the dishes out for ages too. Why don’t men get that?
Tesa thanks so much…I found that putting myself out there in such a bold manner keeps the nay-sayers away, where if I am only half-mast….I get nay-sayers. LOL Thank you so much. Oh, seriously, what is with the hubs and their dishes? yeesh!
I hope you’re not getting grief (AKA: Shit) for how you present yourself in your blog. If you are– shame on them. Don’t let other people’s opinions dictate what and how you write. I also hope that this isn’t a precursor to me finding that your blog does not exist.
Stay in it girl– even if you slow down and write less often, at least you have a venue to express yourself.
The best of skill in finding that balance,
Christopher!! ((HUGS)) You know I have and really I don’t care. I have my opinion and I share it tactfully and never force it upon anyone else and I would expect the same. I would never leave my blog now…I am enjoying it too much. Thanks for stopping by bloggy buddy!
Oh yes we can take a licking and keep on ticking! You are just right on. Sometimes I feel as if I’m not suppose to vent about my life when it’s crappy because “I” don’t work and have to come home and deal with children too!! WHAT! Do they know what it’s like to be home with brats..er. ..kids all day!!! and sleep and wake up and do it all again!
And yes the blogging rules are crap and your post made me lmao!
In my country we use the F word as noun , adjective, etc and yes it can be used as a weapon or a compliment or shoot. it’s just how it is. Its how I grew up, does that make me evil? or something wrong with me?
I try to contain my tongue around the ‘family’ but alas I have a BF who is just as rotten!
How did I miss this post?! Karie I love your blog because you aren’t all sunshine and rainbows. You write like you are sitting in front of someone carrying on a conversation. I can always picture hands going 90 to nothing when you write and you are passionate about something (especially healthcare!). Love ya and please write whatever you want. I’ll find it and read it no matter what!
I love you! 🙂 I love that you are so bold & tell it like it is! I wish I had 10% of that…altho I’m getting there. I also love, that I’m not the only wife that thinks that (about the butter knife). LOL
I don’t always get here on a daily basis but I do read your blogs & I love them just the way they are! 🙂 Big Hugs to you Karie!!
Amy
I love you..just the way you are. Your blog should be you…not the other way around (does that make sense?)
Be you!
Just so you know…I’m reading 😀 I love your no bullshit attitude and your honesty and God knows I’m sick of reading about the perfect housewives with perfect kids and perfect lives because we all know that in their darkest moments they can be found in the back of the pantry cramming brownies in to their mouths two at a time.
You refresh me my dear and I love it!
ROFL!! yes…I admit I get those two bite brownies from Costco on odd days and when The Chad and I bicker…they call my name. How did you know? Damn it my secret is out. I love you Amy!