Multiples are such a curiosity; twins, triplets and higher order multiples always garner childlike questioning from adults. Over the years I have compiled many of these questions, to this day they still make me giggle. During the height of the whole Octo-Mom fiasco, people flocked to the twins and I like a moth to a flame. The gamut of vulnerable, obvious, sometimes silly and sometimes outrageous questions presented themselves to the marveling passersby. Here is my top list of questions from people (and parents) without twins ask parents who have twins and higher order multiples:
Are they twins?
Followed immediately by the next question:
Are they identical? (and or) Can you tell the difference?
Considering I have boy-girl twins, categorically swaddled in matching gender colors as infants, my answer was generally a long, empty, staring pause, followed with a sweet smile.
Do twins run in your family?
Are they natural?
My assumption was that they were toeing around the idea of fertility. Answering witty and with fun is always interesting so I would state, “Oh yes they are totally natural, free range and organic too.” Twins run deep in my family…just dig DEEP into the family tree to see twins only happened one other time. I was a lottery winner for the blessing of twins.
Are they yours?
I have yet to generate a polite and witty response to this question, the best I have recanted with was “No, in fact they aren’t even mine, I just picked them up from the rental company” or “No their father dropped them off with me for the the next 18 years.”
Do they both have the same father?
Who even asks if they have the same father, I suppose they might have watched way too many talk shows or reality television to inquire of such an absurdity.
Do you have your hands full?
I think this was mostly rhetorical, so I never bothered to answer. God gave me two arms and two hands and two additional little people to hold, hands full is an understatement.
How do you do it?
Just like raising any other child…again mostly rhetorical.
Double trouble?
Is there an evil twin?
Do you have a favorite?
Are you getting sleep?
Are you tired?
How do you feed them?
Do you have help?
Double trouble came in when they were more mobile, the trouble was welcoming as S&S were deeply entertaining with their own language to each other, as well as their wild curiosity. Evil twin…classified by my daughter, this is still an evolving process, more so she is a force to be reckoned with as opposed to being evil. Picking a favorite is just too hard…well…I uh, moving on. Sleep? My eldest is now 12 and the twins are seven, I will sleep when I am dead. Tired is an understatement, Dutch Bros is a stock option in my home. Feeding was a scheduled event with twin-fants, like clockwork as I had them on a simultaneous, tandem schedule which afforded us all sleep, sanity, and time as a family. One thing we did not do was hire a nanny, many of my multiple mom friends did invest in this help, however I thoroughly enjoyed the precious little time I experienced with S&S as infants. Time I would love to get back as I watch them grow and evolve.
Do you do things the same for them?
The only thing they have ever done the same was done in the first 18 month of life in regard to feedings and sleep times. Do I do things the same? Yes, I love them both the same just as I love my singleton eldest son, I love all my children the same.
My goal was to raise two separate and independent children despite sharing the same womb space, birthday and intimate sibling bond; I never wanted their identity to be tied to their birth status. S&S are so amazingly beautiful to watch today with unique personalities, spaces, independence and yet in their quiet moments they gravitate to be around one another. Multiples parents, what are your favorite and or off the wall questions? Folks without multiples, have you found yourself asking curious questions about twins and higher order multiples? If you ever want to ask a truly wonderful question to a parent of twins and higher order multiples, ask them how life changing and amazingly awesome life has been for them by having twins.
I am a twin myself and I am sure my mother was asked some of these questions. I have to say my twin is and will always be my best friend.
Karen I love hearing twin stories. I find the connection so fascinating, extraordinary and special. Butterflies fill my stomach and joy in my heart hearing of how twins still remain close to this day and hearing their experiences. I would love for my kids to share this with me as they grow. Thank you so much for sharing.
My twin sister and I grew up on a street with 4 sets of twins so it wasn’t all that “special” for us. We had 2 sets of identical girls, 1 set of boy/girl, and my fraternal sister and myself. Even though we were fraternal, my mother dressed us alike (she made our clothes) until we were in the 6th grade. We hated it. Kids who didn’t know us thought we were one person. At our high school graduation we had fellow students come up to us saying that they didn’t know that we were sisters, much less twins. They just didn’t take the time to make the connection.
A neighbor was sitting at our kitchen table once when I walked through and he said, “Hi Kathy”. I replied, “Hi Dorie” (his wife). He looked at me funny and said, “I’m not Dorie!” To which I said, “I’m not Kathy!” He had never taken the time to get the correct name to the face but he never made that mistake again!
As babies we had our own language that no one else understood. My sister had a speech impediment and I had to translate for my mother. After doing so for the umpteenth time in one day, I told my mom to just stop what she was doing and LISTEN to my sister and she would understand what she was saying. It helped but I still had to translate a lot. Years later in high school, I found myself translating for a student who was deaf in both ears and was ON STAGE in a play. I was in the audience translating the lines she was saying for my fellow students. She sought me out after the play because she could see what I was doing. We became fast friends and we were bridesmaids for each other. To this day, I can understand just about anyone. Except my husband….but that’s another story….
Just remember that they are 2 entirely different people (easier being boy/girl twins) but I think you’ve already figured that out! Blessings on your happy little family!
This is amazing! Your story is so awesome and I love hearing twin stories and while yes, extraordinary and ordinary all at once I think multiples are truly magical. Sounds like your street in your childhood had something in the water. I know many of my friends today have twins so maybe something in our water as well. How special to have the gift of empathy and understanding that you bless others and made a lifelong friend as well. Thank you for sharing this with me, what a blessing, how truly AWESOME!
I do love knowing S&S are two little people, we often try to lump them together because parenting that way can be easy with the mob mentality. Thank you so much, blessings to you too!
Twins are such a blessing and to those of us who don’t have them a curiosity too. I don’t think I could ever have effectively taken care of twins. I would have pulled my hair out. You are indeed blessed my friend!