We as parents go on and on and on about how we want out children to tell us the truth. We scold with no mercy at a fibbing child “Tell me the truth…DON’T LIE TO ME” when we have clearly caught them in a devious act and then they deny their blatant actions. As a parent teaching our children the honor, integrity, and moral fiber of being a truthful individual is a worthy trait, and with time the truth can be told without hurt or pain, as a constructive tool.
But we teach these morals, these sound ethics as a high functioning human being and we ourselves cannot bear to share, tell, or speak the truth. We tell white lies, half truths, bold faced lies, half arsed lies, we omit pertinent information, I mean there is a whole web page that lists every type of lie possible! So why do we as parents instill such noble qualities only to fail ourselves? To fail our children by telling lies, by failing to share the truth, by lying to ourselves?
I for one am a HUGE advocate for the truth. Clearly displayed by my incident with my in laws in the last month. But I am not remorseful, maybe for my presentation…..but not for my honesty. Not for my feelings. NOT for the truth. I hate lying to my kids about even the simplest myths such as Santa, The Tooth Fairy, The Easter Bunny, because I know that in time the truth will be revealed. I question the reason for these mythical beings, what is the purpose? Big G so badly wants to be a super hero, I had to burst his bubble and explain they don’t exist. A man in a blue suit with a cape….Mr. Perfect, does not exist. DH was borderline furious with me, but I felt necessary because I did not want my son to be deluded to thinking perfection is attainable, that perfection exists, that someone walks this Earth that can do no wrong. Again, some may disagree, but if NO ONE told Big G that super heroes don’t exist….how long would he believe in such people left only for the writing in a comic book, a fantasy.
Again I question why parents hide the truth? Why they lie? I have spoken to Big G about the financial situation with DH and I. *GASP!! I know right. Well children do need to be aware that money is an object and money is required for somethings and at times not enough money is made or readily available for luxuries. I have spoken to Big G about other issues that parents may feel is breaching a line. Which I feel that line is not breached. I think we have been conditioned by many generations of family secrets, lies, and half truths or cover-ups that we learn the same behavior. We learn the fine art of not telling the whole story or claiming that the information is not suitable for children.
Well, I think this is hogwash. I wish I had been told as a child that my dad drank and was an alcoholic rather than “Daddy had a bad day” as he is puking full ball into a toilet. I wish I was told the truth of my mothers actions at a point in my life so that I did not grow up with such an enormous amount of resentment towards her, I wish my in-laws would not cover up a very tragic incident with my husband’s niece that makes me feel uncomfortable around her and not want me children around her for their safety.
I sit down with Big G and with the twins (who look at me like I am nuts, but one day they will get it, so might as well start now) and tell them what they need to know about this family. About where their parents came from, about the adversity we face, the troubles that lie ahead, that if you lie you will only create bigger problems and what is a mole hill of an issue will soon spiral into a mountain that cannot be covered up or cleaned up.
Yes, the truth hurts. But the lies to cover up the dirty truth are even more harsh. People are led to believe in a falsehood, in something that does not exist, that will not exist, and the pain in the let down and the revelation of the truth that was disguised by ugly lies is even more painful. I would hate to be lied to for years, months, even moments, about something when although the truth is painful, the truth be known. I would rather have someone tell me that I AM (well rather was) the fat chick! That my pregnancy and eating while breastfeeding led me to balloon up to the porker I was, and now after conditioning and exercising I am feeling more comfortable in my skin. Yes, my feelings would be hurt, but I was more hurt by the ones I loved that they did not tell me how bad I was.
I just do not understand why the truth is such a difficult topic, why the truth is so hard to be spoken and shared. Why as parents we beat the nobility of truth into our children, but we fail to be completely truthful with our children.
The truth is never simple is it. We value the truth in this house and do not respect liars. That being said, as much as I adore their bright eyes on Christmas morning, I do struggle with the myth of Santa. Making him a myth vs a lie….Am I lying to myself?? LOL
well said. very thought provoking!
I think it's good that you are honest with your children about things. Besides that, they're YOUR children! It's a tough one for sure but we somehow talk ourselves into believing that little white lies are ok. Not so!
Lies…I don't like lies. I feel like if people don't really want to know the truth, they shouldn't ask me.
Hope you experienced a wonderfully fantastic Tuesday!
The whole Santa/Easter Bunny thing bothers me. I'm sure kids would like gifts even if they knew from the beginning that it was from their parents instead of someone/something fake. Weird.
Good to know I share some of the same company here. I mean I love the whole Santa thing but I have to say that when my neighbor Ryan Chambers who I am still friends with and have known for 25 years told me that Santa was my parents….I was so disappointed and Christmas then became very materialistic to me. But I see why we use Santa, almost as an alter ego for the "gift of giving" one time a year. Although I thoroughly enjoy giving (on a simple scale) for the sake of it without the Santa. Thanks for the input ladies.
I look froward to seeing his face in christmas and tell him about Santa and yet just yesterday I was thinking about how wise it is to not let on about it being a myth and wodnered if I should do things different LOL….the truth ain't simple only because people have pride that gets in the way
I'm really big on honesty, too. I (hope) my kids know that when they ask a question they get an honest answer. I can't teach them to be honest with me if I can't set the example. I do think there is a difference between honesty and privacy, though…there are a few things I haven't told them, and if I was asked about them sometimes I invoked the privacy clause. At least then I'm not lying about not telling something…I'm just telling them there is an answer but not one I feel I can share.
Your right the truth is never simple and sometimes the truth does hurt. Brad is going through that now with his Dad. Not my husband now and it's such a horrible thing.
By the way my friend you have another award at my website. It's a special one 🙂 Give me a little time this morning to get it up!
I finally confessed the truth about Santa when my oldest was 12. I felt bad that my boys were getting too old to still believe. I could have kept the truth from them forever!! Both are very gullible.
I quit with presents last year. We are going to take family trips instead. Time together is more important than material gifts.
The truth sometimes hurts, right? You gave us all some food for thought…I really like your blog and I know you've probably received many awards before and now you're getting another (from me)! Stop by http://www.thetamom.com to collect. 🙂