The Price Of Honesty

Funny about blogs. I have been reading all over about so many
bloggers celebrating their blog-o-versary.
Today was mine.

Silent hooray.

The only problem is that all day today I have been in damage control mode because I am a blogger of total and pure honesty. So much so that now my in-laws dislike me even more than they did before. I generated a post that created a LOT and I do mean A LOT of emotion, pure, raw honesty, pain, feelings, hurt, sadness, the whole gamut. I hurt feelings with the cold splash of truthful water being dashed in faces. I called out obvious truths that may not have been my place to call out, but I did so anyway. My only way of retraction and damage control is removal. Now…….I stand alone. On the anniversary of my blog…..crying, angry, upset that in the one place I found solace, the one place I had total control of my feelings, my words, my expressions, where I sought therapy, comfort from so many of my blog friends, and believe me you know who you are otherwise I will be here all night listing you and then emailing back and forth, I am afraid to speak my truths, to share my voice, the voice so many of you applaud for boldness, for the intensity of being HONEST and open, and unafraid. I now am afraid to write.

I write this post with the heaviest heart, at a cross roads of “to blog or not to blog” on the night of my blog anniversary. With no celebration. No fantastic giveaway or review to share today (which I so desperately want to do), not even a witty story to share about the kids or myself.

I truly felt this was my one safe place….to share with my friends. The REAL LIFE shit. No bullshit, no filler, no effing sugar coated candy shit. This is my LIFE! For all the crap that exists, for all the happiness I experience, the pain I feel, the sadness, the loss, the comedy, the tragedy, the fun, the highs, the lows, this is life from every aspect. But now I am paying the price.

My life has always been hard work. And I guess I was delusional enough to think that the price of maintaining a blog with the pure honesty that people, including myself, love, live, and thrive for is too heavy of a price. I am lost. I am not wanting to blog when I want to, when I feel I have an obligation based on my agreements, when so much to be said cannot for fear of retaliation for sharing MY FEELINGS, MY THOUGHTS, MY WORDS, on MY BLOG!!!

I found I have readers who remain anonymous, for what reason I do not know. I have readers I did not know I had or lied about knowing that I write, and I write in a very open forum. But it’s those readers that are pulling me away from my light. The darkness pulling me in which makes me sad because this is my light, my place, but I am being moderated.


This comment by a woman who hit the nail on the head is why I am lost and sad as what to do:

“I’m so glad that you put the post back up.
This is your blog and your voice. You should never give that up for anyone.”

So why do I feel like I do have to give up?
Where is the line between compromising and giving up or giving in?
So lost………

3 Replies to “The Price Of Honesty”

  1. well first of congrats on your blogeversary..second of all please don't stop blogging! third of all WHOA NELLY! that is confusing! I can understand why you would feel this way,& I give you credit for not sugar-coating anything, ever I wish I could do that, but I know I would have TONS of mods on my blog..LOL do you think maybe this is why, there are "snoops" maybe possibly that you may know? I hpe not, maybe they just dont have a blog account? I dunno..LOTS OF LOVE YOUR WAY…& to those "mods" show your face! LOL

  2. CONGRATS ON YOUR BLOGOVERSARY! I do not think you should stop due to people not happy with the way you write as you say this is your space and NO ONE should have a say in that. If they don't like what you write tell them to simply not read your blog any longer. When in laws are involved I knows its a bit more difficult…I would do one thing…simply not write about them…maybe its not what you'd really like as you wnat to share everything with us that you feel like but its a good stopper for grievences! Smile at life and at never let anyone dictate what you should do or write etc…you know my email if u want to talk

  3. Happy Blogoversary!! Do not stop blogging sweetie. This is yours and yours only and no one should feel that they can silence you. I have found that when people do not like being confronted with the truth, they tend to get nasty. Just say "bite me" and keep on with your blog. Also you can choose in your settings not to allow Anonymous comments. If they can't leave comments under their real profiles, then they shouldn't be allowed to comment at all! Don't give up, keep going.. I love your blog 🙂

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