Unconditional Friendship

For so long I struggled with friendship with women. I felt that I was the problem; either I was too giving, or gave too much space, or was too aggressive. I am a Leo so friends have to contend with my ferocity and often seeming selfish posture or arrogance. But I began to see a pattern of friends that would gravitate towards me like moths to a flame. I use this analogy with intensity because I found that the weak would draw to me because of my ferocity, my aggressive-aggressive behavior, my no holds barred, take no prisoners, go fuck yourself sense of being.

I state weak and I mean this, not negatively, just in the sense that I am such a giving individual that people would draw on this in order to get over their insecurities, because I am so giving, loyal often in the face that loyalty is unmerited and then the vicious cycle of attacking me in order to fuel their own new sense of self worth. Needless to say, women in my life were few and far between. The beguiling idea of women as friends was a farce. Men were much easier to interact as a friend due to the lack of competitiveness that often sparks among women. For what reason women feel compelled to enrage in jealousy and competition is unbeknown to me, I still have to encompass this facet, an enigma by all means.

However, my life was saved in regard to subduing the beast that would mean I may never have any “girlfriends” in my life. I had met many women online in this last year, for which I can go months without speaking to them and know that if I needed to stay up all night they would be there with me. More so my life was further saved and yet bittersweet.

In April I met a young Asian woman that is striking in all aspects and had the personality of the Willy Wonka Chocolate Factory, offering flavors and varieties of fun, fashion, smell, and seriousness. Her name is Kasandra and I am honored to say she is a dear, dear friend of mine and without her I would not be the person I am today. She has had such a phenomenal impact on my life and she renewed my belief in women as friends, best friends, confidantes, and someone to be a sister from another mother. Each day was one where we would live vicariously through the other where I could relive being in my mid to late 20s again and she a mother. We would lean on one another for support, encouragement, singing praises of the other’s fashion forward sense and shameless beauty. We complimented each other in more ways than verbally praised.

Someone like her makes friendship all worth while. We never would feel jealousy, guilt, anger, or sadness toward the other. No matter what, no matter the circumstance, just pure understanding, the acceptance of each other and the different yet similar lives we both led. The basis that we shared a bond that could, will and always be deemed as a blessing.  Now I did mention bittersweet because on December 21st she boards a plane to Seoul, Korea to build and grow in her adventures in life. Selfishly I hate to see her go because she is such a fond part of my life, she knows me about as well as I know myself, and I delving as deeply into her psyche to know her sometimes better than she knows herself.

But with a heavy heart and all the love and luck I could muster, I wish my friend all the best as she opens and writes a new chapter in her life to share with others. Ever grateful, thankful, and as expressed previously blessed. I wish her all the best any one person can deserve as she fearfully and nervously ventures into a foreign world to sow her life oats. Someone like my friend Kas deserves a phenomenal experience and result as she is an amazingly beautiful and unparalleled human being. She brings joy, love, fun, and beauty to those she interacts with and one could only cherish and revel in the company she brings. Godspeed to you my friend and although you will be back in four short months, our mornings will be so opposite as when we would normally get Starbucks at our regular spot here in Tempe you will be either fast asleep or dancing the night away in a Thai or South Korean club depending on the day and your travels. I love you my friend and until we see each other again our bond will remain as strong as ever, I wish you all the best, thank you for being such a driving and wonderful part of my life.

“One of the most courageous things you can do is identify yourself, know who you are, what you believe in and where you want to go.” – Sheila Murray Bethel