Category: Family Life

Herring family adventures, Jeep life, organic living. Karie Herring, Jeep aficionado, organic advocate and chef, details life as a reformed corporate woman, wife and motherhood to her twins and tween.

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The Battle of “The Mom’s”

I am a former stay-at-home-mom.

When I was a stay-at-home-mom I used to declare my former life as a career mother.

I support mothers in all their decisions with raising their children. My philosophy has always been different strokes for different folks. I could understand and respect mothers who worked out of the home, at home, or have chosen to be the CEO of Domicile Operations.

However, I am eternally perplexed at the women and mothers who judge fellow women and mothers for the choices they do or do not make. The battle between working and stay at home moms. I never understood nor have no care to understand their staunch, and sometimes ignorant, views regarding their choices in motherhood.

My personal experience as a working and stay-at-home mother has been both rewarding and painful. While working the first go around I had to subject my oldest child to “daycare” at the ripe age of 7 weeks old. I was mangled with uncertainty, hurt, fear, doubt. Was I doing the right thing? Did I have another option? No. No I did not. Our life demanded a two income household and as soon as my baby was beginning to smile, I saw cries from his eyes, I heard his pain as each day I left him. The days got easier and easier  and then harder and harder again. Eventually I was blessed with the opportunity to stay home with my baby. Life was a struggle.

I maintained his schedule, but maintaining my sanity was another story. Entertaining a two and a half year old was also tough when he was more interested in fairy tales, cartoons, possessed an unyielding imagination and an unswerving desire to keep busy in his imaginary world. But I managed to keep the boy busy, taught him manners that would make any grandmother swoon in giddy delight, and taught him to swim like a fish. Pardon the pun.

Time was fast approaching that I would no longer stay home with my boy. That I would say goodbye to being a stay-at-home mom to my precious boy a he entered the new world we like to call “the education system.” That was until the hubs talked me into having another baby….and needless to say we got another baby AND another baby. For which I then became a TRUE stay-at-home mom as I birthed my twins and cared for Big G.

I found life as a stay-at-home mom so wonderful. I embraced my new “job” and was and am ever so grateful that I was blessed with the first two years of life with the twins. I found so much pain as well, pain in what I had missed with Grant when he was a baby. Pain that I felt I was a terrible mother, cursing myself in every unforgivable way for not finding a way to stay at home with my baby boy. But I found peace in the path of life I chose. I found peace in seeing how well adjusted my boy is and was by attending daycare at such a young age. I found peace in giving Seth and Sara what they needed, Grant what he needed. I found peace in knowing I had been in both situations in the battle of “the mom’s” and who’s job was, is, and deemed more important or more worthy. Each mother and situation is based on the needs of the family.

Moreover, the needs of our family have evolved yet again and I made the heartbreaking and excited decision to return to work. Certain days if allowed I will take a moment and mourn the loss of my life at home with my babies. To kiss all their adventure wounds, sing songs they so animatedly sing back to me, steal kisses while they napped, taught them how to cook and eat right, as well as how to reduce their carbon footprint on our world. I miss my days at home, but when at home I missed my days away from the home as a woman. I missed working and making a difference in the world and in my family’s life by enriching our opportunities.

Now that I have lived, learned, and walked the miles in each of these pairs of shoes I can tell you that within each mother is another who wants what the other has. The working mother may want that opportunity to stay-at-home and take pride in her work, to showcase her domestic abilities, to spend hours with her children that she has previously missed. They at-home mom may want the opportunity to disconnect from life babbling like a lunatic to people who could barely speak in intelligible sentences. That at-home mom wants to find herself again.

Finally, my children. My blessed, beautiful children are a testament of each lifestyle. The benefit of staying at home and the benefit of childcare where my children are growing by leaps and bounds each day. Counting, reciting their alphabet, recalling nursery rhymes, speaking in sentences that bring a smile and a tear to my eye and begs the question, “when did they turn into little people?” And I am ever so proud to be their mom, their once working mom, stay at home mom, and working mom. They amaze me each day.

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The Space Between

The gray area. In the middle. Some where between here and there. The blend of this and that, I have found is the truth. For years I have been in the professional realm, not the “online mommy professional” realm, but in the trenches. Working for Fortune 500 organizations, small businesses, myself, dealing with hundreds if not thousands of people and even with dealing with people on a personal level I have found that in between the stated fact of someone’s word and the stated fact of bold evidence is the truth.

I threw out the jab of “online mommy” because during my heavy stint as a stay at home mom and involving myself in “mommy blogging” (gagging on the loosely use words) I found out how you can get sucked into some world that really has no meaning, really does not exist outside in the big bad world called real life.

I befriended many good-hearted, honest, genuine women. I even went as far as to befriend other women who were not so honest, because I feel there is good in everyone. But I took my loyalty too far in believing what one side was always saying and not gathering the input and point of view from the other party. By getting involved in such an ignorant fashion I opened myself up for some nasty attacks. A Twitter account attacked me in a weak attempt to break me down, to get to me, gossip was had.

I can look back now and say “What the fuck?!” How did I let myself get so wrapped up. What I found is that each person has their own perception, reality, and point of view.

Openly I can admit I was wrong in so many ways. Openly I can say that I let myself get involved in high school petty games and gossip of little girls who tramped around online acting like they were untouchables. Quite frankly some still do…I openly laugh at them now. In fact some involve their “spouses” which in my opinion make them look even more ignorant (because I need to sugar coat and not state they are total dumbshits…oh wait…too late).

What I will say is that people who are wrong will argue with you. People who are in the wrong will continue to play the victim, act like the victim, and they are always on the defense in order to protect their own ass. From there they continue to lie in order to protect the lies…no, no I mean the half-truths. And then add “friends” who begin to choose sides.

I like being Swiss. I said I was Swiss before, trying not to get involved. But now I am not involved at all, I watch from the outside, as an outsider. From the outside you can look in and find the truth in the space between the two claimed truths. I am happy to apply this to my children as well, that while I believe what they are telling me, my intuition always tells me there is more.

Do you listen to your intuition or do you listen word for word what people say? Can you believe their verbal vomit where they leave you to clean up the mess?

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Two Weeks Too Long

Last night was the sweetest homecoming. Fighting the evening traffic with two anxiety filled toddlers, making unintelligible demands,whining and carrying on, the heat was beating down on the car as the air conditioning fought her fury to keep the passengers cool. Exiting the freeway into Sky Harbor we could not wait to pick up our special package.

Two weeks ago to the day The Chad and I took a road trip to Northern Arizona to meet his folks in the dirty little town of Holbrook. If you are from the area you know that if it burned in the night not much would be lost. Seriously. So we met his folks at the nicest spot in town, the newly renovated (or erected) Holiday Inn Express. We all spent the night there so that the kids could see Grandma and Papa and we could make the exchange with the boy.

We discussed with The Chad’s mom if Grant could go visit. Now the summer is WELL upon us, we needed to figure out what Grant would do for entertainment and daily activities. Now that I am working full time again and no longer “the nanny,” his days needed to be filled and or he needed to be involved in some sort of activity or organization out of the house. Considering The Chad still works out of the house at this time, Big G staying home was not the best idea either. So gratefully his mom said Grant’s visit would be a wonderful idea and we planned on just a week that the boy would visit.

Until things started becoming unstable at home with the employment situation for The Chad. Then we began dealing with the logistics of how to get the boy home. Where the exchange would happen on an odd day to cut into the work week causing a problem with myself as the sole parent managing the dynamically insane duo that are now my twins. Then the logistics of this and that and this and that. Gratefully again, The Chad’s mom offered to fly the boy home and we could pick him up at the airport.

Last night I could not have been more overfilled with joy and tears flowing when I saw my boy relaxing on the bench at the airport with his grandmother eagerly awaiting our arrival. As soon as the car stopped I hopped out to get my boy, my first born, the kid I haven’t talked to in two weeks because he is not a phone person or only talked to his dad for short stints. We both cried, tears of joy so happy to see one another and gushing at how much we missed and love each other. I know how much I love my kids, but never have I been away from one of them this long that my heart was full again.

Feeling that empty feeling like something was missing all the time, the odd quiet. People talk about how three kids or more kids may be hard to manage or are just too much; everyone wants that nice even number. I can say that I am EVER so thankful for my three kids. I watched the twins last night glow and giggle at the sight of Grant, shouting his name, and then in the privacy of home and out of the confinement of their car seats hugging their brother with their true and pure love. I also watched as his father held on that much tighter, hugged him that much longer, and spent that much more time reading to the boy we have missed so much. We love you Grant and are so happy you are home.

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The Truth Sets You Free

Giveaways are now under some scrutiny thanks to my bit of research. Also if you would like to call my integrity, ethics, and standards into question I am all about it. I will personally share with you the IP, email, and original quality of my findings. I in NO WAY alter, doctor, Photoshop, or adjust anything I post unless the doctoring is to protect innocents such as underage minors, children, or those who fall under privacy laws.

Now, I mentioned how I would post criterion for giveaways, some tell-tale signs of fraudulent giveaway hosters or at the very least would place them in a particular negative light, and I feel I cannot post adequate information without gathering additional data. A good researcher pulls information from various sources.

So I am asking you to come here and link up the blogs you find are questionable. Then we can ALL review them, see what qualities they carry that would suggest they are honest, ethical, and legitimate. This is not a witch hunt. Let me make that VERY clear, this is about setting a level of ethics. While blogging is a bit like the wild, wild west and the right channels have yet to catch up to the wave of rampant vigilante activity, we have to resort to means within ourselves to set a standard of legitimate, ethical, honest operation. Feel free to link me up if you think I am in question, I would be happy to point you to my winner listings, even the listings when I was on Blogger and I was a blogspot address.

Again, link them up, let’s review them together, let’s discuss the matter at hand. Then we can post an in depth guide, suggestions, ideas, as to what bloggers can do to further promote TRUE ethical blogging and stop abusing their power of influence. Please, do not use this for giveaways to promote your blog, this is for informational purposes and to allow people to report bloggers in an anonymous fashion without retaliation on my blog. My blog is a SAFE environment.

**LINK REMOVED DUE TO ABUSE** (4/23/10)

If you have something you need addressed to myself or anyone else you need to grow a set of balls and handle it with them. I tried to be a resource but clearly people cannot be adults. Again, if you have a beef with me….own up or get the fuck off my blog.

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The Power of Influence

My blog is too much fun these days, talking about life with my kids, now my evolving career, and of course, the controversy that is a “mommy blogger” community. I have been extremely curious as to the feedback on my Sweepin’ For Traffic post, which the feedback appears positive…I think.

I saw tweets which made me giggle, that I am “jealous,” that I am a “hater,” or maybe worse, I turned my blind eye and dug my heels in like I always do and thought as I always have “Fuck ’em.” These people have no bearing on my life, they have never taken the opportunity to interact with me, know my blog, know me, and really they could get bus tossed, like I did to them and I could care less what happens to them. Why? Because I am not considered an influencer.

In fact, they could retaliate and notify ALL the people I work with and really, I could care less. I speak my mind, in an intelligent manner, and if I caught the eye of someone about their less than honorable behavior, GOOD! Because my post was never to call anyone specifically out, it was informational. If a blogger WAS called out, maybe he or she might have considered their actions before and the consequences would not be the juncture for which we have arrived at today.

Furthermore, my post was about acknowledging that these bloggers are suppose to be “brand ambassadors,” “brand influencers,” and if they are considered as such, would they not be held to a higher standard of operation and ethical consideration? Yes, I think so. As for the petty, and truly petty statement of me being a jealous hater who would receive her karma:

BRING IT!

I carry no jealousy. If someone has something that I like or I consider to be favorable, I work hard for it. No way do I back bite, lie, CHEAT, steal, or walk over ANYONE to get what I want or so desire in life. Why? Because I was raised with integrity; I was taught that anything of any value in life requires work, hard, back-breaking, elbow greasing work. I also could care less about the stats on my blog. I stated before my blog is like my old friend, someone I can turn to for voicing opinions, supported facts, and sharing common life experiences that may help someone not feel alone.

Also, if you want to read a great post about the power of influence among moms and how moms are the newest sell outs, who in my opinion wreak of Enron, Arthur Andersen, Halliburton, and my personal favorites Goldman Sachs and Washington Mutual; check out the post by Jessica Gottlieb and how moms are willing to pimp out a product that could aid and abet the premature death of their children. Moms are promoting products for the sake of being acknowledged for the brand, being an attachment per se, a pilot fish, a parasite for lack of a better word of what they do by supporting and promoting products they know nothing about, that they themselves would sell out to as I said for the sake of being attached to the name.

By no means am I riding any high horse, but I think that moms should really consider their power of influence, consider how your word on your blog, Twitter, Facebook, can really influence someone who may be on the fence, who may not know and trust ANOTHER MOM in their opinion and word on a product. I mean would you suggest a product to another mom that you did not COMPLETELY and fully trust? I know I have reviewed products that I am not a fan of…I clearly have stated so to allow other moms to make educated decisions. So moms, dads, folks, why would  you support, promote, and get involved with a brand you DO NOT fully trust, believe in? Is social media the new sell out program? Are influencer’s abusing their power for the sake of processed foods, a buck, for advantages? What are the gains?

Call me dumb…but I am not seeing a whole lot of positives among these influencer’s. Are bloggers turning more to being underpaid marketers just for the sake of being attached to the brand? What is the draw?

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Already got the t-shirt

My new job is really really new. Not like it is new to me because I could literally walk this job in my sleep. I am already running circles with it and cannot wait to get on the floor to perform. I know I am tits at my job. As a total perfectionist and over achiever, management is within my sights if I keep my nose clean and perform as and above expectations.

But above all else I am ecstatic about the details of the job.

My job is on the forefront of recovery in the nation. While I wish I could say more, I ambursting with excitement, energy, passion, and unyielding knowledge for this position and how I hope to help so many who are struggling during these rough economic times.

Never in my life has a job been more fitting for my degree in finance, my almost 15 years in lending experience, and my passion to work with people. The job is Cinderella’s slipper to me. As a skeptic to presidential plans and executions with environmental factors (Clinton with FMLA, Bush with…well what did he do..oh right he cried wolf and we invaded…sounds like a little man from Germany that we all know so well from text bookes) and especially now with an economy that is on, in my opinion, a 15 year recovery plan, I am EXCITED to be on the forefront of a presidential plan and execution. A fabulous plan and recovery option for all parties.

If I say more I may reveal too much too soon in my game. But I am OVERFLOWING with excitement and had to share with everyone that my job rocks. Really, totally, absolutely, kicks some major corporate ass, is AWESOME.

Again, never in my life have I been so eager to get to work as I am now. But I know that this job is all about the fact that we got the t-shirt and we are just trying to make sure we can keep our shirt on as well as for others.

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All for One and Public Health for All

Over a year has passed now that our family has had a lack in full time health care coverage. No biggie right? For some yes, for us, we are getting by. I am blessed each and every day that my children are happy “little fuckers” as my son would say and that we are not cursed by tragedy. Knocking on wood.

Last year in February was the last time the twins saw a doctor for their well child check ups. They would have seen a doc last summer had I not called the insurance company to find out whether we needed pre-authorization for Chad’s vasectomy only to find that our policy termed (cancelled by his employer) just two weeks prior.

Spank you. Spank you very much.

So I freaked out. Like any undiagnosed OCD control freak would do, I stewed. I Google’d. I stewed some more. Then I went to the Arizona DES site to look to see if by some far and I do mean FAR FUCKING fetched idea that we would qualify for discounted healthcare coverage. Because as you may or may not know we were railroaded right up the arse, with no lube, on a private care option to which they told us “No Spank you” because I have fake tata’s and The Chad had high blood pressure ONE day that he went to the doctor. BUT, that is a whole rant that I have posted about.

Anyway, where was I? Oh yes, to see if I qualify like all the other free loaders of the nation (right Left Wing whackadoodles!?). Sad, I do not. So what is a family to do with children who need immunizations since we so choose not to have our children infected with nasty illnesses which can cause irreparable damage or death. Stepping down from the box. What are we to do? Other than go a full year with no recent immunizations and all of the sudden remember that in order for the kids to attend preschool, they need UPDATED immunization records.

I conferred with my friend Google again and he sent me to a community site driven for people like me. And people like you. And all people.

I was so happy to see that a day (several actually) existed for a FREE clinic to take my children to so they may receive updated immunizations and vaccinations. WAHOO. Because really I am not going to pay some pompous ass physician who will charge me $80 per child just to walk in the fucking door and then charge me for the vaccinations on top of that which they charge $68 each. GET THE HELL OUT OF TOWN. Free is for me.

So I took my perky blond self and toted the twins to my old stomping ground in Chandler where I drove around my old neighborhood, reminisced, and thought…man…I am so glad we moved out of what is now the ghetto. Anyway, I arrived at the clinic and went in, to what appeared to be a ghost town and was greeted by a lovely woman who was ever so kind. She informed me of the pertinent information and that the vaccinations were available at two that afternoon.

A bit peeved that I drove ALL THE WAY down to the ghetto, but thankful nonetheless for community services. I was then greeted by another woman who then reiterated what the other woman just told me…again…ever so kind.

Until I saw that bitch later that afternoon.

I show up at two that afternoon with two cranky, over shopped, sleep lacking twins into a clinic that was now standing room only. Woman #2 who was kind earlier…now can suck a donkey ear. She looked at me, might as well have been smacking gum in her pie hole as we exchange words:

Her: “Can I help you?” (Tone clearly reeks of what the fuck do you want free loader)

Me: “I was here this morning about the vaccinations?” (are you really THAT busy that you cannot recall me from just FOUR hours ago)

Her: Huff “Fill these out. Bring them to ME. Fill in these bands, put them on the kids, make sure it has their date of birth….have a seat.”

Me: grabs load of papers and looks aimlessly for a pen as I try to recall whether I have stuffed any in my bag. I look over at  a table that has a couple for another health thingy and ask if I can borrow to which I receive this reply.

Her: “HERE….here is a pen.”

Me: “Thank you.”

I survey the what looks to be a small community room that they have converted into a make shift clinic for an ample area to rest my arse and my dynamically grouchy duo. I look around to see only a single chair open and think, um no…cannot corral nor wrangle gnomes with a single chair in the middle of cattle. So I opt for the cozy square on the linoleum floor where I squat Indian style with a gnome on each knee. Then SHE starts in again.

Her: “There is an EMPTY CHAIR up there. You can sit in it.”

Me: looking at her like she is a complete idjut…oh wait…she is…”Apparently the chair is taken and the floor will suffice for now. Thank you.”

Her: “Well…don’t trip anyone or let them trip on you.”

AS FUCKING IF!

Seriously? Okay lady, yes my goal here as the ONLY BLOND in a red shirt in a room full of people will make every effort to trip people as I sit off in a CORNER! The nerve. Really? “don’t trip anyone?” You know me…master tripper. Shit I never tripped on anything but my own feet, let alone trip anyone else. Bitch.

I stew, filling out paperwork, entertaining gnomes and then return the clipboard, paperwork, and pen to HER. She snags the pen as if I were to steal it…which I should have to prove a fucking point, thank her kindly for using it and then she never makes eye contact. Only speaks to me as if I were a third rate human being, to sit and wait until my name is called shortly.

So I sat. FOR. TWO. HOURS.

Until  finally the sharp looking men in casual attire, shorts, t-shirts, and winning smiles called me into the locked room. Sounds frisky right? Nah, just your local firemen doing their community service, serving the public, like me, to insure adequate and up to date vaccinations. I could really get raunchy and say they tag teamed me…but they did in a fashion with needles into my children’s little arms. I even started to cry. I hate seeing them in pain.

But I left thinking I should have captured the moment in the waiting room on my phone. A Hodge-podge of people, some clearly needy, others in my predicament of tight budgets and no health insurance, and others who I wondered what they were doing with their Coach handbags, kids wearing $110 Nike Dunks, texting from the apparently NEWEST of new smart-phones. Granted I could be considered the same…you know with my Goodwill bought cords, a t-shirt that says VIVA Elvis on it that The Chad bought for me while he was in Memphis, my favorite Jambu shoes, and my Palm Pre Plus. All of which cost me $30 plus whatever the feds charge me on this years coming taxes.

But still. I am always curious about people’s stories of life, how we all end up in the same room with the same needs at the same time. Especially since we are all there for our children. Are our paths the same? Was I viewed as a free-loader? What is really sad, is that we look at people who are in rough times and reach out for these services during these rough times because that is what they were created for, and we call them free loaders. Well what the hell else other than the federal deficit do my taxes go for?

I am ever so grateful today for the Chandler CARE Center, the staff (even if they were less than desirable in their customer service skills), the nursing staff from Chandler Regional Hospitals, the firefighters, and the volunteers. Without your dedication, my children would not be vaccinated nor would the eight children before and the many after mine. Thank you.

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Free Yoplait YoPlus Yogurt

Are you a fan of yogurt? Are you familiar with Yoplait as a brand in yogurt in your home?

Well you are in luck because I am holding a giveaway for Yoplait to promote their YoPlus yogurt line. So most of us know that yogurt is absolutely fantastic for your health right? Ladies did you know that yogurt can actually ward and prevent yeast infections? YES! My doctor shared that fabulous information with me when I asked about eating yogurt when I was pregnant (since I was concerned about what to eat) and he told me to GOBBLE yogurt, because the natural cultures are fabulous for women’s health. Additionally, yogurt and the active and live cultures, or “probiotics,” are excellent for digestive health.

In fact Yoplait reformulated their YoPlus line to provide excellent health benefits in each cup. Could you add more benefits, is the question I asked. They answered by adding antioxidant vitamins like A and E which are great for your skin and eyes, calcium and vitamin D for bone health (ladies….great for future prevention of osteoporosis), and finally the probiotic cultures and fiber for excellent digestive health.

But if you are nay-saying about yogurt and the “same old boring flavors,” BEHOLD! Yoplait kicked up the flavor amplifier by adding flavors like blackberry pomegranate and blueberry acai in addition to your favorites like strawberry, peach, vanilla and cherry.

Yogurt is a great addition to any diet as a snack or part of a meal with the amount of calories, the fiber leaves you feeling full, and hey the sweet tooth is satisfied too if you are worried about breaking your healthy new way of life and eating.

The first 50 readers will receive the opportunity to try Yoplait YoPlus for free! Don’t fret if you are not one of the first 50 to sign up, you will still receive a $1.00 off coupon for a 4-pack of Yoplait YoPlus yogurt. So go on! Click the “Try It Free” tab and let The Five Fish and Yoplait send you a coupon for FREE Yoplait YoPlus yogurt to chow on in your home.

*Yoplait provided me with this opportunity and all corresponding information, unless stated otherwise.