How You Do It

Something a mom of multiples hears all the time is :
“How do you do it?”

Granted, we really are no different than any other mom. We all birthed a child, we care and love for our child or children, we worry, we do the best we can, we struggle, we cry, we scream, we want to pull our hair out, we are just like any other mom.


With one exception.
Multiple and twin moms gave birth to MORE THAN ONE child at ONE TIME.
So when you dress your children the same that may be a year or two apart in age, this is not the same as twins or more. Because you had two in diapers at the same time. Say a newborn and a 14 month old or so….this is not the same as twins or more. Now don’t get me wrong, I am not bagging on these women. But really….you open a whole new can of something when you say:

“Well, it’s like having twins”

Right! Like a colonoscopy is the same as having a vaginal exam right? They are down in that nether region…rooting around…its like the same.

I laugh. I cannot help but laugh. Or smirk like I want to tell some twit that her comment about “Well it’s like having twins” or “Well they are like twins” IS. NOT. TWINS.

Again, not bagging or berating. I am clearly stating the obvious. Which back to the obvious question of “How do we do it?”

I tell you what. I really do not have a clue how we do it. Something went off in my brain that told me I had no choice. In reality, I did have a choice.
A). care for my children or B). leave them to fend for themselves and dub myself a terrible mother. My decision was pretty crystal, A!

From the moment they were born I knew I had to run the show like a perfect machine. Rituals, schedules, timing, noting all of the pertinent details of everything from changing’s and the types of changes. Did we have a #1, a #2, or a combo platter. Feedings. How long, how much, breast or bottle. Which in my case it was breast and for how long. Did I have to pump. The whole thing became a science during the first six months. I called my therapist. A LOT!

I cried. A LOT. My therapist told me to, she said crying was healthy. I had to grieve. I had to feel like I was falling apart. I did and then pulled myself back together and went right back to taking care of my babies. All three.

You really take for granted trying to maneuver 2 infant carriers and a 5 year old. Who do you load first? Who gets unloaded first? You run the chicken and the egg question in your head. You weight lift and learn to man handle them both at the same time. Now I look like a quarter back grappling each one under an arm, but before I would cradle each one in a palm and arm. No choice, no option. Especially when you have a husband who could sleep through the bombing of Hiroshima and Nagasaki.

Doors are fun. If they are not automatic or have the handicap button, you really struggle. No one helps you. They stare. They gawk. Then they interrogate you. You are a celebrity and they are the paparazzi. You want to run. You want to ignore them.

Questions. Oh the questions. I have contemplated the idea of toting stickers with me that have the coined phrase “Here’s your sign” because I am appalled at the boldness and daft beauty in the probing. I have a whole post dedicated to questions…one I should update and bring forth as I get new questions everyday. Especially when the one woman who had separate fathers was spotlighted. Oh that day was a joy.

Judgment and ridicule. We get that too. Not sure why. I mean we don’t ask for help. We don’t. Twin and multiple moms go to other twin and multiple moms for help. Watch them. They rarely ask any Joe Blow, “would you mind helping me for a moment.” We are usually the ones who have folks offer themselves upon us as if we are invalids and completely incapacitated to care and watch over our own children. They are the ones that reach in and want to hold your child when you are shopping. Those folks give me the urge to shop with a fly swatter. Seriously, I don’t grab at your children or at your walker saying “Hey let me give you a boost” or “Hey great baby, let me hold him/her for you.” Seriously?! We also get that EVERYONE else knows that we could not have had boy/girl twins or girl/girl or boy/boy twins that are fraternal.


They are all identical. Um…okay. Thanks for playing, you do not get to go to the bonus round. I am not quite sure why people assume that twins mean same sex. But I have had so many say, “so how long were you on drugs before you got pregnant.” Again, seriously?! I want to say not long, hubs got me all liquored up pushed me down on my back and WHAM, did we get lucky!

How do we do it?

One foot in front of the other. Long, heaving breaths with our eyes closed, our minds empty where we return to center and build the gumption to keep moving. We have a sick and twisted sense of humor. We learn to laugh at everything, freak about nothing (unless Earth shaking of course), and share what we go through…with everyone. Because we are truly blessed to have a body that was a holy vessel of sorts for two special people to take residency for nine months. Blessings of kisses and smiles and hugs. I truly believe that if we stopped and thought about all we do as parents of multiples and twins we truly would lose our mind.
However, we do it just like every other mom.
We love, dig in for the long haul, hope for the best, worry, cry, wipe tears, chase off monsters, wipe butts, clean messes, give every ounce of ourselves and our unconditional love and at the end of the day hope we saved a little for ourselves.

8 Replies to “How You Do It”

  1. So authentic and so true! Love this post because you get to the heart of it. The bottom line is that you are a mother, and although you have to juggle more with multiples (that is a given), we all experience the same things, because we are all Thetas sister!!!

  2. I am one of those people who say – between Nathan and Kaedyn – "It's like having twins" … why? Both were extremely demanding – neither mobile – both get/got up at night – they practically weighted the same. It only took 5 months for Kaedyn to catch up in weight to Nathan and now has surpassed his older brother. Neither talk, Nathan is finally walking and Kaedyn is close. No I didn't carry them at the same time, or give birth to them at the same time, but I do run into a lot of the joys and challenges … so although I see your point, I think there are a few exceptions. 🙂

    In my case, I am constantly asked "are they twins?" and I have to say "no, he is 16 months older then he is" and then the are baffled because said "little brother" is bigger then said "big brother" then they want to know why and I don't feel like running through medical history with every Tom, Dick & Harry… ::sigh:: Some days I feel like going "yes, yes they are" so I can move on to whatever appointment or errand we are trying to do. LOL…

  3. oh and I get the "how do you do it" all the time too because I have four boys and two have medical issues. I always tell them "I'm not super mom, I don't have special powers – I do it because I love them and I do it because it has to be done." LOL

  4. Heather – I think no matter what we are moms at the heart whether we have one or 18 kids. We do the job we love for the people we love! (You always make me want to do some cheer with the Theta…almost like a Greek chant! LOL)

    Anissa – I see your point about them being similar in size, but you have the 16 months between them which made infancy a whole lot easier since you truly only had one infant to work with at each time. But I do see your point. It's tough as moms, we only have two arms, two hands, and two eyes to watch them and if there is more than one we are always afraid that one will get lost in the grapple. I commend you sister, I can't even say I can imagine life with a special needs child let alone two!! Way to go Momma!! You rock.

  5. I had twins first, then two singletons. You are so right! Now tell me how the moms with 4 or 5 ever do anything!
    Stopped by from SITS.

  6. If they don't have twins, they don't know. They only think they know.
    My favorite part was when they were too big for car seat carriers, but couldn't walk either, and I had to carry them both from the house to the car, plus a monster diaper bag (which contained my wallet, b/c who could handle a purse). And heaven forbid it be raining.

  7. Oh I hated when they both couldn't walk!! What a struggle! I would have to take a stroller everywhere I went…even the doctors office. What a chore!! Then one was walking and the other wasn't. Sheesh! You got rain…I have extreme heat here…sucks!!

  8. Are they twins?? is my all time favorite questions… really? how far apart could they possibly be?? So, it's nice to hear you had identical girl/boy twins too! I love talking or hearing stories from twin mom's. I always get people mad when I attempt to do something on my own… for goodness sake, I CAN do it, I'm the MOM!! I'm not going to ask for help, but sometimes, when I am pushing a double stroller up a flight of stairs while holding a door open, and a huge diaper bag around my neck, a little help would be nice!

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